by Tony Adler
This just in from Gayco, the gay sketch comedy troupe, which starts previews Friday 11/6 for their new show, The Audacity of Nope, or How I Fell for a Pansy Scheme:
Gays to Daley: Privatize Us!
In the face of Chicago's $350 million budget deficit, the 'gay community' announced today that they are willing to let Mayor Daley privatize them.
"I would be delighted to be privately owned!" exclaimed Lakeview resident, R.L. Dinkley, a dental assistant and gay submissive, "To know that I'm helping to keep flowers planted along Lake Shore Drive in summer or decorate Michigan Ave at Christmas would be really meaningful."
"Mayor Daley has often praised the gay community as dynamic civic leaders. It just stands to reason that he would want to harness the power inside them, like corn," said 53rd Ward Alderman, Ed Bus.
In recent days, the Mayor's Office floated a trial balloon about the concept. In responding to concerns about future revenues, an official at the City of Chicago stated that the GLBT community was "a fabulous untapped resource; unlike parking meters and lakefront parkland, we have yet to bulldoze or sell them to a foreign company in the wee hours of the night."
Ultimately, the unified Chicago GLBT's recognize Mayor Daley's strong, passionate support for the community and want to do their part in these difficult economic times.
Allies have also expressed support. Gold Coast heterosexual couple, John and Linda Bachman, suspect their five-year-old daughter is very, very lesbian, and would be happy to privatize her if it means they can afford their property tax.
Critics argue that gays are traditionally high maintenance and will ultimately end up costing the city.