Am I ready for some football? No!


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George Carlin: not a football fan, not during baseball season, anyway.
  • Wikimedia Commons
  • George Carlin: not a football fan, not during baseball season, anyway.
Riddle me this, Chicago pigskin fans: Since 1965, which team has won more championships—the White Sox, the Blackhawks, or the Bears?

Just so.

So why all the love for the Bears and the football season? I'm a sports fan, but most of all I'm a baseball fan.

And it's baseball season. Football season doesn't begin until the last out of the World Series.

Still, there's no denying this is a Bears town. And there's nothing more aggravating about Chicago—not waiting for CTA buses, not pie crusts stuffed with cheese and called "pizza," not the nonexistent spring that goes straight from winter to summer, not even "fall-off-the-bone" ribs that have been boiled and slathered with sauce so that they're indistinguishable from meat-flavored Jell-O.

All the love for the Bears—perhaps the least worthy and certainly the most overblown sports franchise in town—drives me crazy.

Hey, I love the 1985 Bears as much as anybody. What a great team, and a team of great characters.

And what a bunch of underachievers. Again, how many titles did they win? And that's all the Bears got?

Thanks, Mike Ditka. I'll bet you have the same taste in fine wine as you have in scab football players.

So enjoy the Bears, Chicago fans. And enjoy the football season, you fantasy dweebs. Tell me all about who you've got active this week and what a great choice you made in the 11th round of the draft.

Thank the baseball gods I have an iPhone now, and can ignore you by feigning interest while texting my friends, just like the rest of the world.

As for me, I'll be enjoying the smaller crowds at Wrigley Field and White Sox Park—hey, have you heard, they're in a pennant race!—and at da Jewels whenever da Bears are playing.

And I'll be playing in my head this lovely little routine, linked with love from me to all football fans.


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