"Hey, are you gonna eat that?": a road food listicle

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John Denver brought a macrobiotic chef on tours. Sheryl Crow hired a chef who set up kitchens backstage to cook all-organic food. Your band eats Combos from the gas station because you're, you know, not John Denver or Sheryl Crow. Unless of course, you are Sheryl Crow, in which case . . .

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Eating healthy on tour can prove to be a challenge—even more so if you're a vegetarian. Burger King's veggie burger? Meh. Taco Bell's . . . anything? It's possible to piece together an all-right meal at a gas station with like, a cheese stick, an apple, and some nuts, but you're probably better off picking up a copy of Healthy Highways or you could get all Franz Ferdinand and write this book. But let's face it—until the rock gods vomit cash on your band, the most luxurious night of tour is when you get to stay at a grown-up's house, eat a home-cooked meal, and sleep in a proper bed instead of on a house-party floor under the napkin you're using as a blanket.

I was curious how garage-punk band Heavy Times keep their figure on the road so I asked their drummer (and Reader staffer) Luca Cimarusti to record a food log during their four-day tour to Gonerfest.

"This wasn't our most unhealthy trip," says Cimarusti. "That's an honor that would go to the Guided by Voices tour, which at one point saw me and Bo eating Auntie Anne's pretzel bites and Pizza Hut for breakfast from a Pennsylvania truck stop. This list includes everything consumed by the band outside of coffee, water, beer, liquor, and pills. Some of us are less healthy than others, so with that being said, I would like to clear the air and put it out there that I was NOT the one eating fried chicken or hot dogs from a gas station."

Ready? Here it is:

Leftover Lou Malnati's
Andy Capp's Hot Fries
Dairy Queen Oreo Mint Blizzard
Kettle Chips
Pizza (free @ venue)
Gas station roller hot dog
Kettle Chips
"Kettle pops"
Slim Jim
Cheese block
Taco Bell
V8 (which at this point was referred to as "the key to the road")
Beef jerky
TGI Friday's Potato Skin chips
Rye chips
Veggie chips
Corn Nuts
Hot dog and fries
Veggie burger and salad
Tortilla chips and salsa
Gas station turkey sando
BBQ pulled-pork sandwiches
Veggie omelette
Sour Punch candy straws
Cheeseburger and fries
Gas station fried chicken
"Goo Goo Cluster"
Peanut-butter-flavored Goo Goo Cluster
Wasabi peanuts
Grilled cheese
Sliders and chips
Cheesy garlic bread
Gas station fried chicken
Pickle in a bag
Cheese stick
Trail mix

You guys. TGI Friday's Potato Skins chips are really f'in' good.


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