Backstage tour rider: a holiday listicle

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'Tis the season for list making, and since everyone on the Internets is doing it, so will I. Here's an ultimate backstage tour rider compiled from some ultimate backstage tour riders.

Some awesome ice cubes (Foo Fighters)

A really good salad (Foo Fighters)

"Some crackers and maybe some dips. Hummus and taramasalata. Today the world, tamarasalata." (Iggy Pop)

Two (2) seven-passenger Cadillac limousines (air-conditioned if possible), with chauffeurs (the Beatles)

White room, white flowers, white tables, white drapes, white candies, white couches (J. Lo)

One (1) large tube K-Y Jelly (Van Halen)

Two (2) boxes of Lifestyles and Rough Rider condoms (50 Cent)

One (1) large package of Swedish Fish (U.S.) or Big Foots (Canada) (Justin Bieber)

Two (2) trash cans (Shakira)

One (1) BMW K1200 RS SE motorbike (Iggy Pop)

One (1) Malawian orphan (Diplo)

One (1) arranged marriage (Diplo)

Third season of Lost (on VHS) (Diplo)

Request to fly two Cabo Wabo flags (7' x 4') in front of the venue, beginning as early in the day as possible and remaining in the air until the end of the show. (Sammy Hagar)

"Somebody dressed as Bob Hope doing fantastic Bob Hope impersonations and telling all those hilarious Bob Hope jokes about golf and Hollywood and Bing Crosby." (Iggy Pop)

"At load out time we would like to be supplied with two enormous pizzas, either to eat or leave on the bus until we find a truckstop trashcan with an entrance about 10cm/2 inches round, then we desperately try to fold the enormous stiff pizza box so that it’s small enough to go in, which it never is, so we leave it on the side with all cold tomato puree and stringy cheese stuff dripping out the side . . . Anyway . . . one quattro formaggio and one hot pepperoni." (Iggy Pop)

Oh, and please take note of the addendum regarding Dead Dog Island. "Does anybody know if Cher is a dog lover. I think Stevie Nicks probably is."

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