by Ben Joravsky
As soon as Mayor Rahm went on a well-deserved Christmas-break vacation, the City Council moved to undo all of his damage!
They replaced Mayor Rahm with Alderman Roderick Sawyer. Then they quickly hired back all the city workers Mayor Rahm had fired from the Water Call Center, O'Hare, and the mental clinics. The so-called cuts hadn't really saved us much money. So might as well give the dollars to Chicagoans, as opposed to companies in Japan.
Then they took back the $30-or-so million in TIF money the mayor wants to give to some of the world’s richest developers to build a skyscraper in one of Chicago’s richest communities and used it to reopen mental health clinics that the mayor had closed.
Then they took the $35-or-so million in TIF money that the mayor wants to give to developers in Hyde Park—including the University of Chicago—and used it for art and music and theater in all the public schools.
The University of Chicago said they didn't want the handout anyway, 'cause it violated their heartfelt beliefs in free and open markets.
Then they convinced the state to take back the tax break they gave the Chicago Mercantile Exchange, so there would be money to hire new cops to patrol in high-crime areas.
Then they slapped a tax on transactions at the exchange and used the money to help with the pension crisis, as opposed to robbing the police/firefighters/teachers' widows and orphans' funds. Essentially, the bright idea of the day.
Then they renounced the digital billboard deal, saying they needed to figure out whether we were getting the best deal possible for us or the best deal for the billboard operators.
Then they told the charter-school operators that if they were going to take public money, they had to pay their teachers a union wage, as opposed to getting them to work on the cheap. Which is generally what the charter-school movement is all about.
Then instead of directing city lawyers to fight against the parking meter deal lawsuit—as the mayor's doing—they directed city lawyers to fight for that lawsuit, on the grounds that they should apply any pressure they can to shorten this wretched deal.
Then they convinced the White Sox and Bears and Bulls and Blackhawks to give back the public money they have received in handouts and/or tax breaks. Which caused the Cubs to say, sorry, but after our horrendous century of play, we're ashamed to ask for a handout.
Yeah, right—like any of that will ever happen.
Then police chief Garry McCarthy confessed that bringing NATO to town was a big waste of time, money and manpower, saying: "That was Mayor Rahm’s dumb idea—I swear!"
And school boss Barbara Byrd-Bennett apologized for the school-closing machinations and deceptions, saying: "Mayor Rahm made us do it—no lie!"
And Alderman Joe Moore said—I'm free! And he immediately revived his living-wage campaign.
All in all, everyone behaved like the Democrats they are instead of the Romney Republicans Mayor Rahm wants them to be.
And then I awoke with a bad case of indigestion from all the rich food and drink I'd consumed over the holiday.
Alas, it was only a dream . . .