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My dad has a thing for incest porn

Also: How do I let go from my ex-boyfriend? And: Hipster girl likes tongue-fucking earlabia

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Q: I'm a 22-year-old college grad who's been living at home for the last year. My parents are divorced, so I've gone back and forth from one place to the other. The other day I was using my father's computer, and the history came up on the search engine. It turns out that while I'm in the house, my father views pornography that involves incest fantasies. I felt quite disturbed by what I saw—it made me physically sick—and I'm wondering if I should continue to have a relationship with my father.

In a week I start a new job in another country, so I can get away from him for a while and think about my options. What should I do? —Disturbed and Distressed

A: There are people who are turned on by incest scenarios who are nevertheless revolted by the idea of actual incest. Many such incest fetishists have sent me letters over the years, DAD.

So unless your father has given you reason to suspect that he actually wants to fuck you, let's give your father the benefit of the doubt, shall we? Let's assume that one of the many letters I've received from incest fetishists was written by your dad.

I'm operating under an assumption: again, that your father has never done anything that made you feel unsafe. If he had, that's surely something you would've mentioned in your letter. Which is why I'm not just urging you to give your father the benefit of the doubt, however revolting his taste in porn might be, but also to take what you found out about him and stuff it down the memory hole.

Don't say anything to your father, DAD, or to anyone else. You no longer have to live with your father—or use his computer—and I see no need to terminate your relationship with him, or to smear his reputation, over a deeply creepy kink that your father neither asked for nor has ever attempted to act on.

Q: (1) Thirty-year-old gay man here. I was briefly dating someone until he was a huge asshole to me. Now I find myself Facebook stalking him and obsessing over pictures of the guys I assume he's dating now. Why am I having such a hard time getting over him? Our relationship was so brief! He's a major asshole!

(2) It may help you to know that I lost my virginity by being raped when I was 19. I started dating only last year, because I thought sex was scary and never wanted to feel like that again. This guy is only the second person I've ever dated.

(3) I used to have stretched-out earlobes. When I took my plugs out, I did get "earlabia," but only for a few days, and then they closed up and no one really noticed. —Normal Earlobes Now

A: (1) I can't know for sure! But it sounds like you might still have feelings for this guy! Just a hunch!

(2) I'm sorry that your very first sexual experience was so traumatic, NEN. You were violated and powerless, and now, ten years later, your relationship ended in a way that left you feeling violated and powerless once more. Stalking your ex on Facebook gives you a feeling of power over him, NEN, but that power is bogus, stalking him is making you miserable, and it's pushing back the date that you're finally over this guy. Knock it off.

(3) You've given me hope for all the otherwise cute boys I see wandering around with stretched-out earlabia.

Q : Hipster boys! Keep stretching your earlobes! I'm a hipster girl, and stroking the silky texture of a nice stretched-out set of earlobes gets me insanely wet. And tongue-fucking a stretched piercing is enough to bring me most of the way to orgasm. If there are chicks with a kink for something, then surely there must be dudes who have a kink for it, too.

I'm not saying you have to change your mind, Dan, but I was disappointed that you would come out so strongly against stretched-out earlobes. You're always defending lesser kinks. Could it be that you were unaware of mine?—Yes, Ears Are Hot

A: I know enough about sex—and enough about kink—to know that if something exists, someone somewhere is perving on it. Yet somehow it didn't occur to me that there were earlabia fetishists out there, so I appreciate—kindasorta—you taking the time to clue me in. While I may disapprove of silky, stretched-out sets of earlabia, YEAH, I will defend to the death your right to tongue them.

Q: You're going to catch hell for your earlobe observation, but I have to add this: I worked with a young man who decided that gauging his earlobes to the max was a sexy thing to do. When the look got old, he took the plugs out. Because of the size of the plugs, the holes in his ears would not close. He had to have them surgically cut and stitched, which made his ears look somewhat deformed. The cost was $800, and it wasn't covered by insurance. —Just Saying

A: You've filled me with despair for all the otherwise cute boys I see wandering around with stretched-out earlabia.

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