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Savage Love

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Hey faggot:

I go to a clean, well-managed safe-sex club. In a crowded orgy scene, sometimes alien fingers gravitate to assholes, which can be delightful--but can I catch diseases from a finger? AIDS? Herpes? Other STDs? Disposable latex gloves are provided, but in the frenzy of passion they aren't always used. How safe is finger fucking? --Bill

Hey, B:

Clean fingers free of cuts or scratches pose little or no health risk for inserters or insertees. But the situation you've described--stray fingers creeping up buttholes in orgy rooms--is far from safe. Let's say a finger has been up someone else's butthole and then finds its way up yours. That's high risk for everything: HIV, herpes, anal warts, gonorrhea, syphilis, etc. Even if the finger up your butt in the orgy room is inside a glove, it's still not what I would consider "safe." Unless the inserter is putting on a fresh glove every time he fingers a new butthole, it's pretty irrelevant to the insertees whether he's wearing a glove or not. A latex-covered finger can transmit STDs as easily as a naked finger. Opt for noninsertive action in the orgy room, and if you need to get poked, move on to some easier-to-monitor one-on-one action in another wing of the sex palace. Good luck.

Hey, faggot:

I am a relatively "normal" heterosexual male in my late 20s with one problem: herpes. I don't have a problem getting dates or going out, but when it's time to hop into bed, I have to admit what I have, and as you can probably guess, the results aren't great. How and/or where can I meet others with herpes? Mine is a rather mild case, if you can call any herpes infection mild. I've thought about the personals but haven't gotten that far yet--any suggestions? --Lonely

Hey, L:

What's wrong with the personals? They're a great way to screen people: if you have a certain specific requirement--prospective sex partners must be, say, velvet-fetish-positive, or you'll only consider dating people who like to have their feet licked--put your requirement in an ad and you won't have to waste time on people who can't cope. In your case write, "I have herpes, and you're not bothered by it or you have it too." Women who can't deal won't respond.

Still don't wanna do the personals? Well, 30 million Americans have genital herpes. Not only are there tons of dating and support groups for people in your shoes--check out the bulletin boards or classifieds sections of weekly newspapers--odds are pretty good one of the girls you "admit" you have herpes to is gonna admit the same thing right back at you.

Hey, faggot:

Have you ever heard of a velvet fetish? Any information you might care to forward to me would be helpful. Surprisingly, most all TV-operated boutiques have never heard of such a thing. --Jay G.

Hey, Jay:

And neither have I. But that doesn't mean "velvet fetishists" don't exist. You name it, someone somewhere has a fetish for it: raincoats, high heels, Bass Weejuns, chopsticks, diapers, umbrellas, and on and on. Any reasonably understanding partner oughta indulge your harmless kink. No need to sweat it, no need to look for a support group, no need to write letters to me.

Hey, faggot:

I was telling my friend about this guy who loved giving me "foot massages" with his tongue. It's not really my thing, but it felt really good. He told me he was not into dirty feet, but a little funky was fine. My friend said "Yuk!" and yet his tongue has been in many an asshole. My question is not how clean assholes are, but how dangerous is licking funky feet? --Whatever Turns You On

Hey, WTYO:

According to my pal Nance's very cute doctah-boyfriend, Dr. Barak Gaster--whose first name means "lightening, shining, gleaming" in Hebrew--the fungus responsible for athlete's foot can't grow in your mouth. Of course, not all funky feet are suffering from athlete's foot, but I wanted the doc to address a worst-case scenario. "They [the fungi] like it cool, they don't like it hot--and it's hot in your mouth and cool near your feet, at least comparatively. There are minimal, if any, health risks from licking dirty feet." For "dirty feet" please read: sweaty, sock-skanky feet. Don't go licking and sucking the toes of someone who's been padding around barefoot in a sex club, or mucking out horse stalls without wearing boots. Go for funky, avoid filth.

Hey, faggot:

Recently I had rigorous sex with a man I met by chance four months ago. I bypassed dates-then-sex and instead used the vibrations I picked up from him to write a prose-poetry porno fantasy with us as its characters (to get him in bed). While I've expressed agreement to repeat sex, he has not made himself available. So, did I cause his avoidance by:

1. Having read my fantasy to him over the phone?

2. Expecting vaginal, clitoral, and oral satisfaction, although not necessarily in that order, during the same experience?

3. Making him think that if he could get an out-of-body (fantasy) and an in-body sex experience with me, surely he could do as well, if not better, with someone else?

4. Not living up to his unexpressed expectations?

5. Not having said "no" to his vibes and to mine when we first met and the weather was too hot for almost everything except a heady sex trip? --EZ

Hey, EZ:

What part of "No, I don't want to fuck you again" don't you understand? 'Cause that's what he's telling you, girlfriend, loud and clear. As for your checklist:

1. He had sex with you after you read him the poem, didn't he? So obviously it wasn't your solo-performance fantasy prose-poetry cycle that scared him off, was it?

2. Why would you want to have repeat sex with a guy reluctant to provide you with both vaginal and clitoral stimulation during an encounter? If this is the reason he walked, the question you should be asking yourself isn't "Why don't he want more?" but rather "Why do I?"

3. Don't flatter yourself. Mind-blowing fabulous sex partners don't get dumped because their lovers are convinced that if you're that good there's gotta be someone better out there somewhere. C'mon.

4. This is a possibility in no way unique to you or your situation--people get dumped every day for not living up to "unexpressed expectations," so don't go thinking you're special.

5. What on earth are you talking about? Hey: maybe it wasn't the sex that turned him off, maybe it was the conversation.

You hit on him, he fucked you, and then he decided he didn't wanna fuck you again. It happens. Maybe he didn't like the way your spit tastes, or your apartment looks, or maybe you scared the shit out of him. Maybe, maybe, maybe: We could sit here forever coming up with reasons why he didn't want to do you again, but what's the point? Find a new muse.

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