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From the tone, I think dude could use less caffeine, honestly:
"Americans, suddenly predominantly dirt poor, have begun buttoning their billfolds and suffering the indignity of—ACK!—coffee that—GAG!—costs less than $18 a gallon."
"What will the Joe the Coffee Drinkers of America do when their corner Starbucks shuts down? Walk an extra block to the next one? Please, this ain't Russia!"
"Charlene Sullivan, a management professor at Purdue University, reminisced about last year's good old days, when Americans wiped cappuccino foam off our lips with hundred-dollar bills."
I'll keep saying it 'til I'm blue in the face: buy good local coffee. Brew it yourself. Fight the man. Etc.
[The title of the article reminds me: I really enjoyed Rob Kapilow's musical analysis of "Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?"]