A Red State Idea With Blue State Add-Ons | Bleader

A Red State Idea With Blue State Add-Ons

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A write-in candidate for governor of Kansas is campaigning on a sweet idea. It’s a “love thy neighbor” program, explained by Joan Heffington in this video laying out her entire platform.

Heffington wants to pair up rich people and poor people. It would work like this:

"A plan can be devised for the poor man to try and better himself within a year—stop drinking, taking drugs, etc—and if he succeeds the rich man agrees to pay off his debt as a reward. This would boost the economy, help people get out of debt, and give us all hope for a brighter tomorrow.”

If we lived in Kansas we’d be getting in touch with Ms. Heffington, because we’re a step ahead of her. Some of us here at Reader HQ are working up a proposal to bring the economic malaise to a screeching halt by encouraging rich people to marry poor people. Geneticists tell us that when the rich marry the poor the offspring are usually rich, so the breeding program we have in mind would eliminate poverty in just a generation. (This Heritage Foundation report isn't exactly on point, but it will have to do.)

Congress could encourage these marriages by making wedding cakes and prenup legal fees tax deductible. The press would also play an important role. For instance, Reader Matches dwell on what we have long considered irrelevancies—such as “MySpace or Facebook” and religion. We have never understood exactly what “Spiritual but not religious” is trying to tell us, apparently something along the lines of “I’m not sure about God but I really like kittens.” How much more helpful it would be if our profiles got down to brass tacks—high maintenance or low maintenance?—and if in addition to “Seeking man I like for friendship and man I don’t like for relationship,” we were told, “Capable of getting interested in a really nice guy if he’s loaded.” What a comfort that would be to lonely scions!