Release The Hounds! | Bleader

Release The Hounds!

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Grand Forks Daily, November 28, 1909. Okay, every robber baron had a certain percentage of Montgomery Burns in his genomic profile, but OMFG! How many others could boast a canine torture chamber on their rural estates?

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This whole thing would make such a terrific T.C. Boyle novel. Hey, T.C., are you out there? I don’t time to write this sucker for you, you know? Lately I barely have time to keep up with this frickin’ blog.

It’d make a pretty good little feature film too. You got your plucky little band of anti-vivisectionists planning their strategies and skulking around the darkened Jersey countryside with kerosene bombs. I guess they’re probably led by some eminence grise, perhaps a grizzled ex-abolitionist. (Anthony Hopkins? He gives pretty good moral indignation.) And you've got the Rockefeller’s wily security chief (Ian McShane) and his men playing cat-and-mouse games with the anti-vivs. Then of course you have ol’ John D. himself (Francis X. Bushman?) as the heavyweight counterpoise to the Hopkins character.

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Now when it came time to make the movie adaptation, you’d need to go pretty light on the actual representations of serial medical torture and infinite canine agony. I reckon you’d leave most of this to a monologue from Hopkins. Yes, that might be best.

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