BREAKING: Adults Celebrate Halloween Now | Bleader

BREAKING: Adults Celebrate Halloween Now

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RedEye contributor Matt Kuttan heard the craziest thing on the el the other day: two adults wearing business attire, talking about what they were going to be for Halloween. Can you believe it? ADULTS! Halloween! What will they think of next?

The obviously recently thawed Kuttan is just so amazed by this new development:

Boy, has Halloween changed! Used to be that kids were the only ones who dressed up in costumes to hit the neighborhood for trick-or-treating, but now adult costumes have ballooned into a full-blown industry and Halloween has become a national week of partying for grown-ups. Why would we let kids have all the fun? Here is a holiday that gives us permission to get silly—and the only candy we need is for the eye.

Isn't this great? Finally, all of those pop-up Halloween costume shops with adult-size costumes make sense. And those Halloween drink specials in the bars—they're not for your baby, they're for YOU.

Halloween "is the perfect hookup night," says Kuttan—and you don't want to miss that! If you're clueless about what to wear, he has some guidance: "[T]he most politically incorrect outfits our twisted brains can conceive" for the men, and "sexy" for the women. Because men care about politics things, and women care about attracting men.

Have fun, pumpkins! (Also: Jesus Fucking Christ.)

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