Adopting living animals is a good deed and all, but adopting your own piece of meat can be equally rewarding. Believe it or not, Old Town Social's Adopt a Prosciutto program allows you to reserve a 15-pound leg of pork, and the gastropub's charcuterie team will select one in-person from Illinois's Triple S Farms. Then they'll send you updates as your hulking hock hangs in a drying room to cure. $260, Old Town Social, 455 W. North, email@example.com.
If comedic interludes come easy—but writing a simple, heartfelt message inside a greeting card is hard—consider Loaded Blanks Cards, a company that works with illustrators to come up with colorful comics that feature empty speech bubbles. Fill the bubbles with your own clever dialogue, as with this "friendship" card by Aaron Reiner. Now, go be funny. $2.95 at Chicago Comics, 3244 N. Clark, and other Chicago stores, loadedblankshq.com.