Market indigestion | Bleader

Market indigestion


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I've had a stressful week. On Monday, the Dow dropped 634 points, and I lost a lot of dough. Investors were concerned about the stalling economy, the New York Times explained.

I owned a million shares of Sara Lee, which I'd bought recently because nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. By Monday evening I was liking it less. It had dropped $1.36 a share. I'm no math whiz, but my Google calculator told me this was $1.36 million! I don't believe in overreacting, but I'm not going to be the last one off the boat, either—so I dumped the whole million shares. People shouldn't be eating that stuff, anyway, although the New York Style Cheesecakes are very good.

Then on Tuesday, the market rallied, climbing 430 points. Those concerns about the stalling economy were more than offset by a a Federal Reserve statement that it would leave interest rates alone the next couple years. Investors realized this "could provide a big stimulus to the economy," the Times told me.

The Times always knows why the market's acting the way it is, afterward. The Sara Lee I dumped Tuesday morning was up 76 cents by Tuesday evening.

It wasn't time to dwell on the past, however. I got where I am today because of my guts and foresight, not just Aunt Esther's will. I'm usually a little ahead of the curve, like Adam Dunn. So based on Tuesday's upbeat news, first thing yesterday I bought a million shares of Procter & Gamble—because I was ready to gamble again, and because P&G makes Pepto-Bismol. Pepto-Bismol is the only leading medicine that relieves five stomach problems, which you'd know too if you read its website. In liquid form, chewable tablets, and caplets, Pepto-Bismol provides fast relief for heartburn, nausea, indigestion, upset stomach, and diarrhea. I'm pretty sure there's been a bit of that going around lately.

And then yesterday the market turned on me again! The Dow plunged 520 points. American investors had "renewed trepidation at the debt problems plaguing Europe," the NYT informs me this morning.

My P&G dropped $1.71 a share. I don't even want to ask Google calculator what this adds up to, but I think it's at least another million. A million here, a million there, pretty soon you're talking real money. I'm starting to feel the pinch. I got a tall coffee this morning instead of my grande soy mocha and blueberry scone. And I just dumped all the Procter & Gamble because of the renewed trepidation about Europe.

It was an expensive lesson, but I've finally learned it: the market isn't for me. Too many crazy swings. I'm out for good.

Although I just noticed that stocks are up sharply this morning....

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