I heard it on the train | Bleader

I heard it on the train

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  • Dave Tamburo
. . . on last night's commute. If you spend any regular amount of time on the Red Line, you know this conductor, whose nonstop chatter I began making a log of; this covers the trip between Belmont, where I started transcribing, and Morse, where I alighted:

Belmont: "Don't worry be happy . . . Where's the love?"

Addison: "Home of Ron Santo, home of the Chicago Cubs . . . You're a perfect ten."

Sheridan: "Enjoy your evening, take care of yourself . . . Don't break a leg."

Wilson [where a full platform of riders, presumably dumped by their train going express, boarded]: "No fingers, I didn't do it to you. The more, the merrier!"

Lawrence: [nothing]

Argyle: "Watch the doors, don't forget your cell phones."

Berwyn: "Order a pizza, watch the doors."

Bryn Mawr: "Better luck tomorrow, watch the doors."

Thorndale: "Have a nice night, see you tomorrow."

Granville: "Always nice to see you, thank you for riding. Enjoy your steak dinner."

Loyola: "Sure hope it's not the end of the world . . . [alarmingly unintelligible]."

Morse: "Every day's Friday. Make sure you don't lose your keys, cell phone, ID—that's not funny. You're the best. Thank you."

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