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But that's no reason for anyone else to give a shit. For some, the culmination of the NFL season is all about the spectacle, filled with fireworks and celebrities, the extra-decked-out national anthem and halftime-show absurdities. For others, the draw is a simple combo of commercials and queso dip. The one unique, nondiscriminating glory of the holiday, though, is the gambling—a safe, fun hobby meant to be enjoyed by the world wide.
Did you know that it's possible to make bets on the Super Bowl without having any knowledge whatsoever of how a football game is played? You can ignore superfluous bets like "Team With Most Punts" or "First Half Over/Under" and instead worry about crucial props like "What Color Gatorade Will Be Dumped on the Winning Head Coach?" (I just wish there was a bet about whether the winning coach, Coughlin or Belichick, will scowl or smile when the orange-colored Gatorade—yeah, that's my pick—splashes against his back.)
Below is the small selection of entertaining prop bets released thus far (Please note that there's not a one that has to do with Brett Lorenzo Favre. It's a Christmas miracle.):
How long will it take Kelly Clarkson to sing the National Anthem?
-The over/under is sitting at 94-and-a-half seconds right now.
What color Gatorade will be dumped on the winning head coach?
-Blue is paying out the most at plus-1200; lime-green is second at plus-500.
Which team will Barack Obama publicly pick to win the Super Bowl?
-No one wants to root for the Patriots anymore, not even the President. Go with the Giants at minus-120.
Who will be shown first on NBC after the game has started, Abby Manning or Gisele Bundchen?
-Abby Manning (sitting at minus-130) is Eli Manning's wife, and, honestly, who really gives a damn about her? Gisele Bundchen (at minus-110) is married to Tom Brady and is a fucking model. Welcome to the lock of the game.
How many times will Peyton Manning be shown on NBC during the game?
-The over/under is currently at four and a half, but considering the turmoil Peyton's been dealing with recently, I'm voting for the over.
How will the coin toss land?
-Heads, always and forever