12 O'Clock Track: Butt Trumpet, "I'm Ugly and I Don't Know Why" | Bleader

12 O'Clock Track: Butt Trumpet, "I'm Ugly and I Don't Know Why"


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Well before (illegal) file sharing and the era of everything reissued always, if you wanted to rip music from a friend you had to dub it with, say, a mid-80s Sansui dual casette deck from Kmart. My copy of Butt Trumpet's 1994 masterpiece, Primitive Enema, was a dub of a dubbed cassette dubbed from a dubbed cassette and sounded like a mound of garbage bludgeoned with a sewer lid. And because the band split just after Primitive Enema (their major-label debut, on Chrysalis Records), the album quickly fell out of print, and angsty adolescent shits like myself had to take what they could get. I wore out my dubbed tape till classics like "Dicktatorship," "Dead Dogs," and "I Left My Flannel in Seattle" (not to mention "I Left My Gun in San Francisco") became one giant amalgamated buzz of pissed-off mid-90s alt-rock.

Butt Trumpet were a bit cruder than your typical Headbangers Ball schleps, with obscenity-stuffed lyrics and vivid scenes of dead dogs in garages—front woman Bianca Butthole (later of Betty Blowtorch) more often than not sounds like she wants to rip your fucking head off. Today's 12 O'Clock Track was a tough choice, because I've been revisiting Butt Trumpet songs all day and each is worthy in its own endearing, NSFW way—"I've Been So Mad Lately," whose lyrics are almost entirely profanities, nearly won out.

But after careful deliberation, I went with the band's most "popular" song, "I'm Ugly and I Don't Know Why," partially for nostalgic value but mainly for Bianca Butthole's incredible closing rant about losing her second-grade love, Danny Irving, to Heidi Weller and her handful of pumpkin seeds. I've never heard it sound so good.

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