Do I have Kramer living above me?

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The clock is ticking on my neighbors looong showers.
  • Wake up!

A few years ago Mick Dumke wrote a feature, "Have a Green Day," that gave us 24 tips to help the environment daily, from dawn to the wee hours. One was taking quick showers: they can take ten to 25 gallons of water every five minutes. This means my upstairs neighbor, now nicknamed "Shower-man" for his 35- to 40-minute showers, is using between 70 (about how much one bath uses) and 200 gallons of water every day. What the heck is he doing?

A friend reminded me of "The Apology," the Seinfeld episode in which Kramer, shower obsessed, decides to spend most of his time in there, down to washing vegetables for a salad that, understandably, grosses everybody else out.

In all honesty, I don't believe my upstairs neighbor has installed a garbage disposer in his shower drain. But we wrote a little ditty in honor of Shower-man, in any case, to be sung to the tune of the Spider-Man theme song:

Shower-man, Shower-man.
Uses water all he can.
Is he clean?
Check his pores.
He scrubs out
every spore.
Look out.
Here comes the Shower-man.

In the eve of night
he's at it again.
Call the crib; get the take.
Watch the lake sink again.

Shower-man, Shower-man.
Does no more than a shower can.
Is he clean?
That's for sure.
As for long as our water's pure.
Look out.
Here comes the Shower-man.


I think he's worse than the bedbug duo.

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