How not to make a pie | Bleader

How not to make a pie

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Pie on desk
1. Be sure to choose an evening when it's at least 90 degrees out.

2. Whatever happened to your pie plate? Disbelievingly double-check the cupboards.

3. Pour a glass of iced tea and call your friend the retired pie baker. Will a cake pan work in a pinch?

4. When he sensibly suggests making a galette, decide you must finish the crossword.

5. Isn't it supposed to cool off?

6. Sweat.

7. Go to bed.

8. Get up at 6:30.

9. Follow Edna Lewis's recipe as precisely as you can while eyeballing all measurements.

10. Find that the resulting dough crumbles and falls apart like a sand castle.

11. Press the sand into a cake pan.

12. Preheat oven to restore kitchen to the mid-90s.

13. Destring and chop four cups' worth of rhubarb. Mix with sugar, corn starch, and nutmeg and pour over sand.

14. Cover with sliced almonds for the sake of decency and bake at 450 degrees for 40 minutes.

15. Transport to an air-conditioned office and serve with vanilla ice cream.

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