Apply now to Newt University | Bleader

Apply now to Newt University

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Dean Gingrich
Newt Gingrich hoped to get a coveted speaking slot at the Republican National Convention. Instead the Romney campaign will have him teach a series of workshops they have nicknamed Newt University.
New York Times

The Republican National Committee today proudly announces new opportunities for higher learning, open to all loyal Americans who can afford them. Applications are now being accepted for the Rick Perry Community College, the Sarah Palin-Herman Cain Distance Learning Program in Foreign Affairs, and, on our sparkling Tampa campus, our most elite school, Newt University.

Dean Newt Gingrich was the Speaker of the House from 1995 until 1999, when he left government to serve his nation as a political consultant. Dean Gingrich is best known for the pivotal role he himself says he played in Congress in the 1980s during the Ronald Reagan administration. Yes, during a debate earlier this year, Mitt Romney did tell Dean Gingrich, "You're mentioned once in Ronald Reagan's diary. He says you had an idea in a meeting of young congressmen, and it wasn't a very good idea, and he dismissed it." But the honorable former governor says he was only joking, and that he has great confidence in the ideas Dean Gingrich and Newt University will present.

Newt U. offers a Bachelor of Conservative Arts program second to none. Dean Gingrich will teach Advanced Demagoguery, Voodoo Economics, and Easy Street, a class in political consulting. Visiting professor Michele Bachmann will offer her acclaimed expertise in Creative Fearmongering.

Dean Gingrich will also direct a course in Republican speech writing, which will stress the importance of repeating key concepts and helping listeners make connections:

"Mumble mumble Obama food stamps. Blah entitlement Democrats mumble. Welfare President mumble elite media mumble mumble. Blah coddling Democrats blah blah. Mumble, God blah America."

Financial aid is not available. As Dean Gingrich himself has often said, "If you pay someone's tuition he may get a degree, but if you teach him how to consult he'll be set for life."

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