Attack of the gourmet squirrel | Bleader

Attack of the gourmet squirrel


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Underestimate at your own risk
  • Underestimate me at your own risk
Unlike squirrel hunter Mike Sula, I'm a fan and admirer of Sciurus carolinensis. But it's true I haven't been terrorized by one.

Not so Grapevine publicist Jenn Galdes. Last year, as Sula was hard at work on his harvest of indigenous protein, Jenn sent me several e-mails chronicling the exploits of her nemesis, who'd found a way into her kitchen:

Cherry tomatoes? Gone. Nuts? Of course. But now he's expanding to sweets. I had two unopened Mast Bros. Chocolate Bars on my island, went out one night. Came home, saw one was askew at the same moment I stepped on something. It was a square of the other chocolate bar. The rest of it, the entire thing, he'd taken outside and eaten, leaving only some chocolate powder. I think he left the square as a "Screw you!"

Mast Brothers chocolate bars are about $7 to $10 a pop. Jenn's squirrel had taste.

Peanut Butter — I had pulled this out of my refrigerator to get to room temp. He (or she) came in, took it off the island, rolled it across the kitchen, over the threshold into the utility room, and out onto the deck, where I found it on its side.

Choosy squirrels choose Whole Foods

I guess it goes without saying that urban squirrels are locavores.

Peaches — my big, beautiful Green City Market peaches. Sigh. Rolled them not only off the island, but up onto the granite surround, then tossed them off onto the floor. When you think about the weight of a peach relative to a squirrel's weight, it's an impressive feat. Both were found at the threshold, as he was unable to get them over — so they were chewed up like that and left on the ground.

  • Jenn Galdes
  • Desecrated

Once she caught him red-handed.

Bag of Hershey kisses, just yesterday — got those from the fruit bowl (didn't even bother with the apples) and I caught him trying to escape with the bag.

But he was a wily foe.

I replaced my screen on the screen door (he had chewed through it) with heavy-grade aluminum. Chewed through that. On to chicken wire maybe? I called the city for a trap, but no luck yet.

When I caught up with Jenn yesterday, she was in New York for a Beard Foundation dinner by Ryan McCaskey, chef-owner of Acadia. "No new major occurrences," she reported. "So far."

And given the mildness of last year's winter, says one expert, you never know . . .


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