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Yes, Mayor Emanuel was skiing in Utah, but it's not like he doesn't care. As soon as he heard the news, he rushed back to Chicago on the 31st available flight.
In his absence, and in line with their new commitment to transparency, school officials announced the closings frankly, in a press release titled (no kidding): "Significant New Investments To Provide Quality, 21st Century Education For CPS Students Transitioning From Underutilized Schools This Fall". Don't think of it as dying, the doctor might tell you, you're just transitioning to a state-of-the-art afterlife.
But back to Emanuel. Sure, he took a powder last week, but this criticism of our city's chief tourist is way off the mark. Mayor Downhill is a true leader, as evidenced by these maxims he composed on his way home but forgot on the plane. They were given to us by a reliable flight attendant.
• When the going gets tough, make a reservation.
• Five percent of life is just showing up.
• If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it, I know I can ski it.
• Make no little travel plans.
• I have not yet begun to pack.
• Nothing is as fulfilling as a life of (room) service.
• The buck stops here, in Park City.
• We have met the enemy, and she is Preckwinkle.
• Ask not what your country can do for you, ask if there's a Hilton.
• We have nothing to fear but lost baggage.
• Some men see things as they are and say, "Why?" I dream of things that never were, like snow goggles with GPS and Bluetooth.