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Given how long getting across Union Park can take when it's filled with festivalgoers, it pays to plan ahead. Pitchfork's schedule tends to make you wish you could be in two places at once (whose idea was it to have Kelela overlap with Tune-Yards, or St. Vincent with FKA Twigs?), but barring sudden, radical advances in wormhole technology, that won't be an option. These day-by-day, hour-by-hour itineraries, assembled by Reader staffers and a few obliging friends (plus one contest winner), ought to help you decide where to go. —Philip Montoro
Gin enthusiast, feminist, Reader contest winner
3:00 PM Attempt to sneak out of work early—it's my first week on the job, but #YOLO, right?
3:30 PM Change into festival gear . . . can't let the 15-year-olds have all the flower-crown fun! Am I too old to wear a macrame crop top?
4:15 PM Join the masses to dance to Factory Floor. Start a mental count of how many women are playing the festival. (At this point: Two! Women can have it all!)
5:15 PM Debate getting spooky with the Haxan Cloak; remember that I'm not actually a teenage goth anymore. Get ice cream and browse the CHIRP Record Fair instead.
6:25 PM All the Serious Music Men in my life go nuts for Sun Kil Moon, so I guess I should probably see what all the fuss is about. Oh wait, just kidding, they're boring as fuck. Time for a bathroom break and a million beers, so I can get ready for my one true Italian love . . .
7:20 PM Giorgio Moroder is the only reason I'm here! I hope all the bros have cleared out so I can get my groove on in peace.
8:30 PM Stay for Beck only if there are enough female musicians onstage to bring my total gender ratio to 50/50.
Reader staff writer
3:30 PM Now that Death Grips have mercifully disbanded, I can take in Hundred Waters without the threat of obnoxious sound bleed.
4:35 PM I'm betting that about a half hour of Hundred Waters will satisfy me, so by now I will have fortified myself with coffee to counteract the soporific effects of beer—I want to be ready for Neneh Cherry with RocketNumberNine in their only U.S. appearance. I feel like I've been waiting to see Cherry perform for three decades—so don't stand in front of me, douchebag in the bandanna.
5:15 PM I'll probably be in a post-Cherry daze. The low-end ambient rumble of the Haxan Cloak should be the perfect thing to bring me back to earth.
6:25 PM Mark Kozelek will be starting his Sun Kil Moon set, and I'll be starting my makeshift dinner. For the second or third time today, I'll wonder why I'm here.
7:30 PM After the first bit of Avey Tare's set, I know I'll want to head over to see what Giorgio Moroder is up to. I can't imagine what his live performances are like, but I'm hoping this set will tilt more toward Donna Summer and less toward Daft Punk. That's right, I'm cranky.
8:30 PM Speaking of cranky, Beck seems pretty morose these days—I'm curious to see how he'll segue between the hushed melancholy of his gorgeous new record and the jacked-up energy of his goofy old hits.
Reader social media manager
3:30 PM Yay, we're all just showing up to the fest and we're pumped and then Hundred Waters is like relax. And then we'll all drift off to sleep . . .
4:00 PM . . . but not really. There's so much beer to drink! Which is what I will be doing. And probably eating a Frito pie with my bare hands.
4:35 PM Neneh Cherry—half-sister of Eagle Eye, who perhaps declined Pitchfork's invitation?—has only played in the U.S. once before, which is pretty nuts. At the risk of reducing her to a nostalgia act, I can't say I don't sort of hope she plays "Buffalo Stance."
5:30 PM Is Sharon Van Etten's music maybe a little doleful for a summertime music fest? Who cares! Loved Tramp, love Are We There, love Sharon.
6:15 PM Last year they had this weird tent with loads of mirrors and free-to-use beauty products. I'll probably hang out in there for a little while to make fun of (and surreptitiously take pictures of) the vain people grooming themselves.
7:20 PM Even if you don't like disco, you should watch synth maestro Giorgio Moroder to learn how to be a septuagenarian who's still fucking awesome.
8:30 PM I was a moody preteen when Beck's Mellow Gold came out. Now I'm a moody adult woman, so I might as well embrace that. Also, I genuinely like his cover of "Everybody's Got to Learn Sometime."