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"Here's good news," I said to my wife Thursday morning at the kitchen table. "The Times reports that a lawyer hired by upper management of the Cardinals to investigate has cleared upper management of the Cardinals."
"It's like something out of Veep," I said. "They're looking for a fall guy, and it won't be anyone who matters."
I chuckled. On this one, I want the world to chuckle with me.
I've been having trouble getting riled up about this "scandal," which some say tarnishes the good name of baseball's model organization with the finest fans on earth. (Ask any of them.) Luhnow worked for the Cardinals and then he left, taking his algorithms with him. So his new files got hacked—what do you know! Boys will be boys. Geeks will be geeks.
I'll give you this much—if I were the byline on this continuing story, I wouldn't bother to read me, and nobody else should either. It needs to be covered by a humorless son of a bitch who thinks it's the biggest scandal since Watergate and has a sixth sense that when the facts come out, the whole Redbirds front office will wind up in the slammer.
That might even turn out to be true. Every newsroom has its share of lofty souls of temperate judgment, and there are some stories they shouldn't be let anywhere near.