Queen Elizabeth II. Maybe it's not too late to rethink this whole independence thing.
According to the New Yorker's humorist Andy Borowitz
, Queen Elizabeth II has offered to rule the United States long enough to see us through our current difficulties, and then, perhaps, forever after that.
This could be arranged by writing in her name next Tuesday, said the Queen. Parliament would have nothing to do with it. As for Brexit, schmexit
This is a tempting offer. But the Queen doesn't seem to appreciate that our current difficulties arise largely from the choice we're facing between an Anglicized German
and a woman of a certain age with dynastic issues.
Besides, Buckingham Palace would be hard for American kids to reach by school bus.
So I have a counteroffer. The Queen—who is
, "by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of Her other Realms and Territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith"—has a lot on her plate already.
But as head of the commonwealth, she could arrange a shift in jurisdiction that I think we'd be comfortable with: four years of regency directly overseen by Canada. This would be an experiment meant to expire in January of 2021, though it could be extended indefinitely by request of the American people. Making it happen might be as simple as writing in the name of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau
The original Articles of Confederation contained a provision
for welcoming Canada into the new union. Those articles simply need to be dusted off and reinterpreted.
Besides, Ottawa is easily reached by bus. Touring school groups could be sent home with jugs of maple syrup as souvenirs.