The year 2001 is almost at an end, and, let's face it, it's just not as good as the movie. Instead of ushering in a new era of intergalactic exploration, that bone tossed into the air by our alpha-monkey ancestor millions of years ago seems to have clattered to earth as little more than a Pleistocene dog toy. Need proof? Consider how far we fall short of the world pictured in 2001: A Space Odyssey.
2001: The Movie
People on space flights served by stewardesses in bulbous turbans.
Flights feature a wide range of foods, all of which can be sucked through a straw.
State-of-the-art videophones allow you to call from outer space to earth for $1.70 for five minutes.
Interstellar excursions accompanied by the stirring strains of Strauss.
Scientists come upon black slab that holds the key to universal communication.
Computer-monitored hibernation during lengthy space voyages prolongs life.
We are monitored by a diabolical computer with one blinking eye who lives in a spaceship.
There are 12 channels of news programming.
2001: The Year
People wearing turbans frequently not allowed to fly.
Flights feature a limited range of foods, all of which suck.
Miss Cleo allows you to talk to the stars for $9.95 a minute.
Elevator rides smothered in smooth jazz.
Scientists still haven't come up with a short, black "universal remote" that can turn off the VCR without also turning off the TV.
The Internet compensates for lack of a life.
We are monopolized by a diabolical computer whiz with two unblinking eyes who lives in Seattle.
OK, we win on this one.
Art accompanying story in printed newspaper (not available in this archive): illustration/Russ Ando.