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Coming out in college

Plus: Camera phoning oral sex, safe group sex, and hot micropenis sex.

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Q I'm a college freshman. I thought that college would be the place to come out, but the sad fact is that it hasn't changed anything. I'm still unable to admit my sexuality to my friends, teammates, classmates, and hallmates. The hardest part is seeing other freshmen go out to parties, hook up, and date when I don't have the opportunity to do so. I've resorted to going on Craigslist, but my encounters have been weird. What should I do? —Closeted Undergrad

A You're not required to disclose who you're going out with, CU, or the gender of the folks you'd like to go out with. But keeping your sexual orientation a secret indefinitely will ultimately warp your psyche and your life. Think about it from the other side: What would the straight guys on your team have to do in order to hide their straightness from you? They might be able to have furtive, secretive, and shame-driven sexual encounters with other closeted heterosexuals they met online or in places where closeted straight people gathered to have anonymous sex, but finding love—true and lasting love—would be extremely difficult

You have, of course, the option of never coming out. But as you're discovering, CU, it's hard to date in the closet, and sites like CL and Grindr aren't going to deliver the kind of connections you want. So long as you're limited to quickly arranged hookups with guys you don't know, can't risk getting to know, and can't be seen with in public, all of your encounters are going to be weird.

Look, CU, you're only 18. You've got time. But what you're going to realize is that dating and finding love—or even just sex—inside the closet is nearly impossible. You can remain in the closet and keep your business secret, but you won't have much of a life in there. And when you realize that, CU, you'll come out. I know it's hard. But you can do it. All it takes is opening your mouth and saying the words.

Q Last night I was blowing a male friend. When I glanced up from my "work," I saw that he was texting someone. I didn't say anything and finished the job, but I was offended. Another friend says I should've mentioned it because he might have been taking a picture. At the very least, what he did was rude. Any insight from you? —When Blowing Blows

AHe was taking pictures or making a video and may have been e-mailing pics/vids to his buddies in real time—don't be an idiot, WBB—and you should've snatched that camera from his hand and stuffed it so far up his ass you could've sent yourself a picture of the roof of his mouth. Any girl who's uninhibited enough to blow a "friend" has to be uninhibited enough to blow up at that friend if she spots him taking sex pictures without her consent.

Q I'm a straight male, age 26. I've been with my girlfriend for seven years. We're lucky in that we have a group of friends who are into having sex with us. My question is, what's the proper etiquette for condom use between my girlfriend and me when others are present? We don't use condoms when we're alone, so we haven't been using condoms when we're in front of others. They are using them, and I use them if I have intercourse with another girl, so the risk for the two of us intuitively seems minimal. Is there anything we should be concerned about? —Group-Sex Rookie

AIf you and your girlfriend have been tested and you're "fluid bonded" (ugh! That term!), then I don't see why you and your girlfriend should have to use condoms with each other. So long as you're careful about always putting on a condom when you need one, and seeing you two go condom-free doesn't make your friends so insanely jealous that they can't get it up/on in your presence, then knock yourselves out.

QThis is in response to Messed-Up Junk. His junk sounds just like my junk! But I'm a transman—so a two-inch "micropenis" actually sounds pretty damn good! Anyway, I wanted to say this to MUJ: Don't let your junk stop you from hopping in bed with whomever you damn well please. I know lots of guys with junk like yours who get plenty of action from lots of fine ladies—and gents. Yes, having a body that's different can be terrifying. Be honest and up-front, but don't let your head and your fear get in the way of hot sex. —Pumped-Up Junk

AThanks for sharing, PUJ.

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