Back when I was young enough to play with dolls—sorry, “action figures”—G.I. Joe was just a modestly proportioned, multiply articulated World War II grunt, but since then he seems to have mutated into an ultrabuff, multiracial, gender-integrated corps of elite commandos. Loud, shiny, and critic-proof, this franchise launcher is basically Transformers minus the humanity. Dennis Quaid provides some ballast as grizzled patriarch to the troop of sexy young lock-and-loaders, Christopher Eccleston (Shallow Grave) slums as a bargain-basement evil genius, and Stephen Sommers (Van Helsing) directed. Expect more where this came from.
Director: Stephen Sommers
Writer: Michael B. Gordon, Stephen Sommers, Stuart Beattie, David Elliot and Paul Lovett
Producer: Lorenzo di Bonaventura, Brian Goldner and Bob Ducsay
Cast: Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans, Dennis Quaid, Byung Hun Lee, Sienna Miller, Rachel Nichols, Ray Park, Said Taghmaoui, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agba and Christopher Eccleston
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra