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Tom Brown's Field Guide series December 21, 20-fucking-12. You have less than one year left to get your shit together and keep it from hitting the motherfucking fan. Those who rely on "the system" as it presently (and barely) functions are about to eat a big shit sandwich. Fuck 'em. That's what those douchebutlers get for buying iGadgets instead of learning how to commune with the awesome spirit of fire, or to read the minds of animals!
Resist psychic death and start reading Tom Brown's Field Guide series. As a Chicagoan, you most likely know shit about dick about nature, and thus your truest self. In his Field Guide to the Forgotten Wilderness, Brown will help you notice the natural essence of the world around you, even in this grimy toilet of a town. You might chuckle, but having "naturevision" will be critical come the end of the year, when the lights go out and motherfuckers start acting way retarded. Next, read the Field Guide to City and Suburban Survival. This is basically a handbook for what to do when "the system" fails and the authorities aren't there to wipe your ass for you. Finally, the city is going to turn into a hellhole of mayhem and even cannibalism. Brown's first (and most crucial) Field Guide to Wilderness Survival will help you and your gang after you leave the burnt-out, stench-ridden, godforsaken city and begin to mend your relationship with our Mother Nature. And try to remember, this is all a good thing.