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Take two feuding movie queens, a producer desperate to reunite them, a sassy African-American maid, and a pec-flexing black Chippendale dancer. Toss in a barrage of unfunny jokes and creaky showbiz anecdotes, a couple of maudlin confessions, and a tray of hashish brownies. You've got Legends!, James Kirkwood's 1986 comedy--notoriously awful in its original production, now inexplicably revived as a Broadway-bound vehicle for a jowly Joan Collins and mannequin-stiff Linda Evans. The Dynasty divas' amateurish performances further debase the clumsy script, with its cheap shots and embarrassing racial humor, and deflate the rare moments of clever repartee. Though gorgeously costumed by the legendary Nolan Miller, this Legends! must be seen to be believed--and that isn't an endorsement. --Albert Williams a Through 3/4: Thu 7:30 PM, Fri 8 PM, Sat 2 and 8 PM, Sun 2 PM, LaSalle Bank Theatre, 18 W. Monroe, 312-902-1400, $20-$75. C

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