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Little Boxes / Caught in the Net

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Captured at www.blender.com/blender1.1/digest/popspeak/popspeak2.html

You're watching a movie when--hello!--the camera goes all kooky-jumpy. "God, that's so MTV!" you say. "But with an almost Rescue 911 intensity," adds your friend. Welcome to the world of...

PopSpeak

"PopSpeak" is the use of pop-cultural references to summarize an entire style or attitude--and lately we're hearing it a lot. Why? Perhaps because it's:

*Pithy: "Wayne-Newton" conveys All Things Vegas in 11 letters.

*Diplomatic: Enemies can bond at the mere mention of "Hello Kitty."

*Delightfully freakish: With bizarre new words like "Pre-Scandal-Michael-Jackson," it's mutant slang for a world in flux.

To help you go with the flow, here's the Blender A-to-Z Primer of useful terms--with language lessons featuring Sue and Andy to help you grasp the proper usage. Remember, today, everything's an adjective, in its own way...

Abba adj. Slick in a lovably dorky, Seventies way. From the blank-eyed masterminds behind such hits as "Voulez-Vous"--and their matching poly-blend jumpsuits. Synonym: Agnetha

Sue: Andy, is this shimmery scarf too Abba?

Andy: Not if you go easy on the Cheryl Tiegs eyeshadow, Sue.

Barbie-Dream adj. Ultimate, at least for a couple of hours. From the Mattel product known as the Barbie Dream House. As children, females crave the B.D.H. As adults, they recognize it as shoddy, cramped, and rather undreamy. The term, therefore, reminds us that however perfect something may seem, it's probably crap.

Andy: Sue, are you still dating Mike?

Sue: Don't ask. I really thought he was my Barbie-Dream Boyfriend. But then I caught him kissing his accountant...Stan!

Caligula adj. Repellently kinky. From the movie produced by Penthouse publisher Bob Guccione, concerning some fat Roman porn star types and their slimy shenanigans. n. Caligulation

Sue: Andy, are you going to Kiki's underwear party?

Andy: No Sue, that scene's way too Caligula for me.

Dockers adj. Mundanely heterosexual. From the bleak clothing line favored by zero-personality straight men.

Sue: Andy, I'm fed up with Steve.

Andy: Why Sue?

Sue: His worldview is just so Dockers. All he talks about is Wheaties, Elle Macpherson, and those stupid Die Hard movies.

Energizer-Bunny adj. 1. Unrelenting. Like Chuckie in the popular Child's Play series, the term describes anything that just won't fuckin' give up. 2. Zealous in a suspicious, coked-up way.

Andy: Hey Sue. How was Jane's wedding shower?

Sue: Disturbing. She went all Energizer-Bunny and made us listen to Helen Reddy's Greatest Hits the whole night long.

Caught in the Net welcomes interesting flotsam culled by its readers. Send e-mail to NetFishing@chireader. com. There's a T-shirt in it for you if we print it.

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