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Night Spies

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I'm sitting here looking out the window wondering if the killer squirrel is still out there somewhere. I was walking near here at sunset when I just happened to see this little squirrel with its cheeks puffed out--like when they have nuts or something in their front claws or whatever. I instinctively made that little tsk-tsk-tsk sound you make when you look at cute little animals. This squirrel stopped what he was doing, looked up at me, then started bounding toward me--when he got really close I stopped walking. Then he jumped on my leg and ran up onto my face! I completely freaked out and punched him in the head with my right fist, and he fell to the ground, then immediately got up and turned to come at me again. I started running away, but the squirrel started chasing me and again ran up the back of my leg--this time he was crawling up my back and I reached over and knocked him off with my hand. I ran down the block, terrified--I wasn't about to wait around for him to make a third attempt. When I glanced back quickly he was sitting there on the ground with a menacing look on his face. I've never walked down that street since that happened, and I've never looked at a squirrel the same way.

--Victor Salvo, Furniture Designer

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