Nine Months

Proof positive—if any is needed—that the films of writer-director-coproducer Chris Columbus (who once upon a time wrote the script for Gremlins) are not only insults to the intelligence but crimes against humanity. Much as the fleet, free-form style of Robin Williams was methodically destroyed in Mrs. Doubtfire, the subtle underplaying of Hugh Grant is replaced here by grotesque mugging and telegraphing designed to ensure that even brain-dead members of the audience aren't remotely challenged. Grant unconvincingly plays an unmarried expectant father and child psychologist, and Julianne Moore is the expectant mother in a glib, reactionary yuppie comedy set in San Francisco, remade from a French comedy by Patrick Braoude that may or may not be just as nauseating. The costars are Tom Arnold (still playing the poor man's Alan Alda), Joan Cusack, Jeff Goldblum, and Robin Williams (who clearly thinks he's the cat's pajamas as an inept Russian doctor). If you're determined to make Columbus richer than he already is, why not save yourself further dehumanization and simply send him a check.

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