Sheeh! Dennis [Rodkin], chill out!
I think you were too preoccupied with the thought that your readers would think you were some kind of jack-off machine freak ["Stroke of Genius," November 4]. Disgusting and sick, right? It's sort of like finding out you like whips and chains or whatever. I mean, what would the neighbors think? Well, who cares? Call it anything you want, you copped out! You claim to have "tried" Mr. Gellert's machine. It would have worked for you if you would have just stopped thinking so much. What you suffered, my friend, was a classic case of performance anxiety. I would also agree with your "Very Dedicated Reporter" because you are obviously afraid of those four sharp words, "I TOLD YOU SO." You should have just gone ahead, opened the fucking box, and used the machine, but you deliberately increased your anxiety by not doing so. All this is self-imposed. The point of the machine is to R-E- L-A-X and E-N-J-O-Y it. You did neither. Now that the pressure is off, give it another shot (pun intended).
In your own words: 1. "Venus II wasn't going to work for me." (You decided this.)
2. "Maybe I quit too soon." (You're impatient.)
3. "Maybe it was the situation. . . . It was tough to relax in such a crowded room, what with the entire cast of Baywatch and thousands of potential readers breathing down my neck."
You knew it was a machine ahead of time so you set yourself up for failure and disappointment by focusing on the fact that there was no romance, passion, and mystery. Don't tell me you have received passion, romance, and mystery from your hand! P-l-e-a-s-e. What makes you weird is that you would want postcoital Cap'n Crunch. Cereal after sex--now that's disgusting!
PS: Nevertheless, I did enjoy the article, showed it to all my friends, and praised the Reader for having the balls to write a front-page article about this topic. I thought, "Thank God I ain't the only one who likes a little variation." Besides, who am I hurting? Kudos to the staff of the Reader. I always enjoy it.