Debbie Tideman used to sell lingerie at parties in the southwest suburbs. Giggling over oils and frilly things, the women asked her questions about sex.
"My lingerie parties started to become like seminars," says Tideman, who was familiar with dispensing advice from volunteer work as a church and halfway-house counselor. "Women would say things like, 'Do you have any Raid? I want to keep men away from me.' It turned out that these women were not getting their needs met and would rather not have sex.
"I said the guy will do what's easiest, that he's not a mind reader, and you'll have to tell him what you want."
So she told the women about what she calls the X-spot, which she says she and her husband of almost 20 years discovered by accident when she had an orgasm that shook her from "the knees to the midriff."
"I just felt this feeling of fullness," she recalls. "I didn't know where it came from, so afterward I had him show me with an avocado, which is shaped like a uterus."
Tideman says the sensation was caused by the penis rubbing back and forth along the cervix--a technique she calls the "Horizontal Slide." She claims the movement stimulates the tissue surrounding the opening of the cervix, affecting the pudendal and pelvic nerves.
"It can bring on hour-long orgasms for women," she says. "Some of the women I told would go home and try it and would say they had an orgasm for the first time in their lives. It goes deeper and longer, and some women ejaculate."
When she couldn't find anything written about what she had experienced, Tideman tried to find a doctor who could explain it. "I had to ask if there was something different about me," she says. "I talked to 100 gynecologists who told me there can be no pleasure from there, and that they can do surgery on the uterus without anesthesia. I don't believe that. You can get a D & C or have a baby and it hurts."
Tideman says she spoke to The G Spot coauthor Beverly Whipple, who incorporated cervical stimulation into her studies of sexual response in paralyzed women and found that it could result in orgasm. Tideman decided to write her own book about the phenomenon. After rejecting a publisher who wanted to change the words "husband" and "spouse" to "significant other"--which she felt would be "too repetitive"--she published the book herself in 1995. The X-Spot Orgasm, which can be found at the Discovery Center and Tower Records, has sold 15,000 copies.
Tideman, who attended the College of DuPage for a couple years and helps run her husband's construction firm, now bills herself as a "sexpert" and "the lady who put the X in sex." But she admits she lacks credentials. "I never planned to write a book," she says. "My plan was either politics or religion. Instead I went into sex."
Aimed primarily at women, The X-Spot Orgasm includes a list of "101 Erotic Things to Do for Your Man" to entice him to try the Horizontal Slide. Tideman, who's test-driven each activity, recommends eating Pop Rocks candy during fellatio, playing strip poker, and stimulating his G-spot, the prostate. There's a 12-page pullout, complete with checklist and map, for the guy. She also helpfully suggests washing hands and clipping nails before embarking on the search for the spot.
Tideman says no one's found the X-spot before because people simply weren't looking for it. "To this day, Dr. Ruth says there is no G-spot and no vaginal orgasm, just clitoral orgasms. Who needed to look anywhere else?
"Most women experience one minute of orgasm through sex or getting their clitoris rubbed. With the X- or G-spot she can have 60 minutes in one night. That's almost a year's worth of sex."
Tideman teaches "How to Find the X-tasy Spot" Friday from 7:30 to 9:30 at the Discovery Center, 2940 N. Lincoln. Tuition is $42. Call 773-348-8120 to register. --Cara Jepsen
Art accompanying story in printed newspaper (not available in this archive): Debbie Tideman photo by Jim Newberry.