Dear Reader writers:
I'm writing to thank the young critic who was sent from the Reader to review our show The Dark Black Raven [September 15]. I'm sorry you didn't care for our show much. Thanks for not mentioning any of the actors in your rather humorous review. At least you didn't point any one actor out as being "so bad!" Did you hate our hand-painted backdrops? You never mentioned our hand-painted backdrops. I guess it didn't matter right? How about the 600 dollars worth of authentic 30s costumes? We probably should have saved our money with this turkey right? Did your three free guests hate the show too? How about your special Black Cat pencils. Hate those much? (If so, could we please have them back. Those suckers are expensive.) Did you hate your reserved seats we saved for you when you and your party came in ten minutes late? We're sorry the person in back of you kept laughing and interrupting your perception of what was going on onstage. We're glad you showed her, by turning around and giving her dirty looks. Yes, she was a friend, otherwise why would she find our show so funny? We have no idea why the walk-ins in the front row kept laughing. Too bad you couldn't get to them, or the people across from you. Well at least you stopped that girl in back of you. I'm so sorry she actually had to tell you to turn around and watch the stage, after the fourth dirty look you needed to give her. The entire cast is very interested in the wonderful sketch we were told you were working on during the course of our show. We'd love to see your work. Perhaps we could review it.
Don't you think the intensity of meanness displayed in your review for our little $7 late-night show was a bit of overkill? At least I can find comfort in knowing with karma, nobody gets away with "deliberate cruelty," and that includes our valued Reader critics.
Kim Wilson replies:
I called the theater to tell the staff I had a total of four people in my party and asked how much the extra tickets would cost. They told me that all four people would be their guests. I will not let that happen again, as it apparently set up undue expectations.