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Hey, Faggot:

I saw that letter from the black guy who prefers white women and had a rollicking good laugh.

This poor slob really believes the way to a white woman's heart is "pussy-eating and romantic evenings." My advice: stop reading Hustler magazine, honey. I've polled white women, and practically none of them listed "potential pussy-eating capability" as an initial indicator of a good date, spouse, slave, etc.

A person's choice of whom they happen to be attracted to is very subjective. Although it's fine to privately consider race, it's ridiculous to think that race determines if a woman "knows how to treat her men." If he doesn't believe me, he needs only to ask all the guys who have filed for divorce from white women. Good women come in all sorts of packages, and if he's attracted to a particular type of woman, it is just because.

--One of the Good Ones

Hey, OOTGO:

Couldn't agree with you more. When Loves White Women said he was attracted to white chicks because they have sexy bodies and know how to treat their men, he implied that black women don't have sexy bodies or know how to treat their men. Finding fault with people you're not attracted to is a lazy, thoughtless way to justify your feelings about the people you are attracted to. LWW is like those gadawful gay men who dump all over women's bodies when they try to explain why they're attracted to other men. Not only is this an asshole thing to do regardless of whom you're dumping on, it also makes the people really, really mad. Read on.

Hey, Faggot:

When I read the letter from Loves White Women, I couldn't wait to read the tongue-lashing you'd give him in response. While I detected sarcasm, alas, I was unfulfilled. Then I thought: Why should you take issue with a self-hating, breeder, quasi-black man? So I will. Dear Mister Loves-Whitey-Because-You-Can't-Stand-Yourself: The only fact to be gleaned from your "all white women have sexy bodies/ know how to treat their men" letter is that a dolt wrote it. That you need assistance in getting a white chick further proves your vapidity. The kind of white chicks you want to date probably want you simply because you're a dumb, black buck with a big dick. Being a delicious black chick who knows how to treat any man, I have no problem with trying everything on the dating buffet myself--black, white, whatever. But if you want a broad just because she's white and presumably won't give you any lip, don't pull an O.J. when she dumps your trifling ass for a bigger, blacker, more-money-makin' dick than yours--pussy-eating skills notwithstanding.

--Tanyabananyaramya in SF

Hey, T:

Yow. You go, girl.

Hey, Faggot:

It's nice to know that you'll answer letters from clueless Uncle Tom assholes like Loves White Women. Do you think you can help me out too?

1. I am an intelligent and attractive 26-year-old black female, attracted to white guys 'cause they know how to eat pussy and aren't threatened by my intelligence. With all of these great qualities, how can I get them to notice me? I have an excellent body and great hygiene, so I seriously doubt that the problem lies there.

2. Why is it acceptable for some 48-year-old pervert to screw a 14-year-old girl, but a 27-year-old woman is looked down on if she wants to be with a guy eight or ten years her junior?

--Clueless in Seattle

Hey, CIS:

1. I'm going to give you the same advice I gave LWW: ask out white men you find attractive, or rent yourself one.

2. It is not "acceptable" for 48-year-old men to screw 14-year-old girls. "Prosecutable" is, I think, more accurate. As to whether folks will look down on you for having a much younger boyfriend, so fucking what? Eighteen-year-olds are perfectly legal. Break 'em in, girlfriend.

3. You do know you're playing Loves White Women's game, don't you? You put down black men when you justify your attraction to white men on the basis of their supposedly superior pussy-eating skills. I think you're being ironic, however, since you're playing LWW's game in a letter slamming LWW's game. You were joking, right?

Hey, Faggot:

I read with interest the letter from the black college student interested in white women because they have "sexy bodies" and know how to "treat their men." I am a white male married to a black woman, and my wife treats me better than any white woman ever did.

I prefer the sisters because they are strong emotionally, know who they are, and are the best-looking women in the world, not to mention incredible lovers. A lot of men shy away from black women because of the intelligence, inner strength, and resolve these women possess. I can't begin to tell you how many white women told me, "I have to find out who I am!" I've never once heard a black woman make such a statement.

I am certainly not dumping on white women, nor would I ever criticize another person's choice of sexual partners. I just feel it is time we start giving black women the recognition they so richly deserve. Cindy Crawford who? Give me Tyra Banks any day!

--Loves Black Women

Hey, LBW:

You certainly are "dumping on white women," LBW. Claiming you prefer black women because they're "strong emotionally" implies that white women are weak; claiming black women are the best-looking women in the world implies that women of other races are not as good-looking as black women. Claiming black women "know who they are," implies white women don't know who they are. Now I'm going to get a hundred letters from furious white women. Where does this all end?! Can't we all just get along?!

But wait! There's an easy way out of the hole Loves Black Women and Loves White Women seem so intent on digging for themselves: "I" statements. It's psychobabble, I know, but in this case it really works! Picture this: LBW, LWW, and me are all sitting in a bar, talking about what makes our dicks hard. "I'm more attracted to black women than white women. In fact, it is my personal opinion that black women are the most beautiful women in the world," says Loves Black Women. "Well, I find white women to be sexier than black women, and I am therefore more attracted to white chicks," says Loves White Women. "Women are nice," I offer, "but I find good-lookin' men's butts--black or white--infinitely sexier than women's butts."

Ta-da! By using "I" statements we've avoided putting down people we don't find attractive! But even if someone fails to use an "I" statement when talking about what turns them on, we can increase the peace by hearing that important "I" even when the dummy leaves it out. If someone says, "White women leave the sexiest skid marks," hear "I think white women leave the sexiest skid marks," because that is, after all, what he or she means. There, now maybe we can all get along.

Send questions to Savage Love, Chicago Reader, 11 E. Illinois, Chicago 60611.

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