We realize you're gay and everything, Dan, but whatever happened to pussy? You used to write about women's genitals once in a while, and then you were my hero. I still have the column you wrote about the importance of the clit, and I give it to every new boyfriend. But I don't think you've written one word about pussy in, like, two whole years! Your column is all one cock, two cock, big cock, blue cock. Cock, cock, cock! You're being awfully gaycentric! Can you even write about pussy anymore? Or are you out of practice?
On behalf of pussy everywhere and the men and women who love it, I demand equal time. We want pussy, Savage, and we want it now! --Frustrated Femme
If it's pussy you want, FF, then pussy you shall have. This week we've got pussy wet, pussy dry, pussy bored, and pussy squirts. Next week, more pussy still. But just in case I'm out of practice with the hole subject, I've enlisted the aid of a couple of guest experts. Anne Semans and Cathy Winks are the authors of The New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex, the best goddamn sex manual on the goddamn planet, and The Woman's Guide to Sex on the Web. Let Pussapalooza '99 begin!
I am a breeder female and enjoy great sex with my live-in boyfriend. Over the last month a problem has developed. I am wet, wet, wet! I am concerned that he is unable to get off or feel a great amount of pleasure for the lack of friction. I know that wetness is a turn-on, to a point, but I've never been so drenched before. Is it simply my chemistry with this man that makes me so wet? Any ideas? --Pusseidon
"I know plenty of women who would give their eye teeth to have this problem," said Anne, "since most wish they lubricated more. Your wetness is the product of high sexual arousal, so why wouldn't your boyfriend be flattered to know that he triggers such an enthusiastic response? Has he ever said that your gushing inhibits his pleasure? Why not ask him? If he wants more friction, he might want to put a raincoat on--latex condoms do a great job of soaking up wetness and creating friction."
If that doesn't help, I would suggest your boyfriend fuck your lube-free and friction-rich butthole--or is that gaycentric?
I'm a healthy 26-year-old girl and I really like sex. The problem is, I almost never get wet, no matter how aroused I become. I have no trouble coming, but after a passionate evening I'm not even damp. Could being on the pill, smoking, or drinking be factors? I'm ashamed of not being able to accommodate my guy without the help of saliva, Astroglide, or Vaseline. Please don't tell me there is nothing to be done. I'll try anything. Is this a common problem or is it just me? --Bone Dry
"Darlin', yours is one of the most common sexual problems around," said Cathy. "Much as we women would like to believe that sexual arousal leads directly to a wet and slippery vagina, we're living in a world where countless forces conspire to dam the flow of Mom Nature. Smoking, drinking alcohol, and over-the-counter antihistamines dry up all mucous membranes, including those between your legs. Many birth control pills also decrease lubrication, as do any physiological situations (pregnancy, breast-feeding, menopause) that reduce your body's estrogen levels."
If you're willing to do anything to get those juices flowing again, you might wanna quit smoking, drink less, and try some other birth control method.
"But even if she eliminates all these factors," Cathy added, "she might be someone who's naturally low on natural lubrication. There's no shame in that, it's just an individual variance. Take pride in the great sex life you have, and let the water-based lubricant flow. (Stay away from Vaseline or any petroleum-based product, as these are very hard to wash out of your body and can create a breeding ground for bacteria.)"
I am a 21-year-old woman. I love my boyfriend. We've been together for five years. We've had plenty of sex, but I've never had an orgasm. He's my first lover, and I'd love to marry him, but I don't want to be stuck with a man I love but can't make love to. Pretty soon he's going to find out I've been faking and he's going to want to know why I'm not in the mood. Is there something I can do? Maybe I need some kind of operation on my sexual parts? --Not Feeling It
"Whatever you do, don't operate on your precious genitals!" exclaimed Anne. "My guess is that a little quality self-love will help her immensely. Before someone can give you an orgasm, you gotta know how to give one to yourself. The majority of women don't reach orgasm from intercourse alone, and most of us need clitoral stimulation in order to come." If your boyfriend doesn't know this, you'll have to tell him.
Then, if you're feeling bold, Cathy and Anne suggest you show him what clit-stim looks like. "Stroke your clitoris either manually or using a vibrator. Once you know what feels good, you can show your partner the moves that put you in the mood." For more info about self-lovin', Anne and Cathy recommend you read their book The New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex, as well as Sex for One by Betty Dodson and For Yourself by Lonnie Garfield Barbach.
Finally, if you've been with this guy since you were 16 and he's the only person you've ever had sex with, I'd suggest you screw around behind his back a little before you do anything stupid (like, oh, marry him). Your boyfriend might be the problem, but without something to compare him to you'll never know, will you?
I want to know about female ejaculation. I wonder though if it is something some women are not able to do. I have no problem achieving an orgasm, but I've never experienced ejaculation. Is there a different technique involved? Is it all a myth?
--Wanna Shoot in Chicago
"Female ejaculation isn't a myth," said Cathy, and I can back Cathy up: I've seen the squirts with my own eyes (I literally had to jump out of the way!). "It's not something all women do, but if you want to try ejaculating, you'll probably have the most fun if you take the attitude that you're going to enjoy the ride, whether or not it's a wet one." How's it done? "Wait until you're already aroused, apply steady pressure to the front wall of your vagina just past your pubic bone (the area referred to as the G-spot), and bear down with your pelvic muscles. You may feel some fluid shoot out your urethra, or you may not. Either way you should be too happy to care."
Wow, that was a lot of pussy, wasn't it? But wait, there's more! Tune in next week for more of Pussapalooza '99, with more fascinating pussy questions, good pussy advice from Anne and Cathy, and the occasional pussphobic/gaycentric aside from yours truly.
Send questions to Savage Love, Chicago Reader, 11 E. Illinois, Chicago 60611 or to email@example.com.