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Savage Love


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My husband has a foot fetish. He loves to hold me down and tickle my feet. He even goes so far as to tie me up and tickle my feet for ten minutes at a time without stopping. No matter how much I beg him to stop he continues. When I ask him what it is about tickling me that gets him off, he says he doesn't know, he just gets off on it. I talked to a friend about this stuff and she thinks it's sick. She said that tickling past the point of discomfort is torture. She says that when he ties me down and tickles my feet and will not listen to my pleas for mercy that this is a form of abuse. My questions:

1. What is it about tickling my feet that gets him so excited?

2. Why does he tie me down when he tickles me?

3. Am I in an abusive relationship?

--Little Mrs. Tender Foot

1. I haven't a clue. Even if I did have some idea why tickling your feet excites your husband, what difference would it make? Guessing at why tickling women's feet turns him on won't make tickling--and bondage--any less of a turn-on for him. But if I were to hazard a guess, I'd say your husband's tickle/bondage fetish probably has something to do with the erotics of power and control and early childhood sexual experiences and the front-loaded 2000 presidential primary schedule and blah blah blah. I hope that helped.

2. Your husband ties you down when he tickles you because you let him tie you down. Look, I know from personal experience that it's difficult to tie a person down who's resisting. Indeed, the chief irony of bondage sex is that you need the complete and total cooperation of your "helpless victim" in order to render him/her helpless and proceed to victimize him/her. If you don't enjoy being tied down and tickled, don't let him tie you down.

3. Are you being abused? Well, that depends. Does your husband ask your permission to tie you down and tickle you? When he has you begging for mercy and continues to tickle you despite your pleas, are you enjoying yourself on any level? When he stops tickling you and, thoroughly aroused by the tickle and bondage play, proceeds to fuck you senseless, does that make the "tickle torture" you endured worth it in the end? If your answer to these questions is yes, then it's not abuse.

Or does your husband tie you down without your consent? Do you hate every minute of it? Have you told your husband to stop, that you don't want to be tied down and tickled, and yet he continues to do it anyway? Is he making you miserable and is your life a living hell? If your answer to these questions is yes, well, then it is abuse. Tell him one last time to knock it off, and if he doesn't, go to the police.

I am a single heterosexual woman in my 20s. Practically every man I meet tells me how good-looking I am, but I have one major flaw, one I'm certain would turn these men off. I'm hairy. The hair on my arms and legs is light, I wax my mustache once a week and tweeze hairs from my chin and cheeks. People who see me with clothes on have no idea I have to wax my nipples and "happy trail," or that the light fuzz that starts at the nape of my neck leads to a patch of thick fuzz at the small of my back and continues all the way to my butt, which is covered in dark "peach fuzz" that turns thick and dark around my butt and through to the front to my rather wide bikini line.

I am so embarrassed and insecure about my hairiness that I'm afraid to undress in front of a man. Every men's dirty magazine has women with pubescentlike hairless snatches or with little Hitler mustaches. Is this what most women really look like? Is this what men expect? Do furry women turn men off, or are there some men who like it? Are there any furry women out there with hair-removal or self-image advice for me? --Hairy Bitch

In the flesh most women aren't quite so hairless and airbrushed as those chemo-babes who appear in dirty magazines, and only men who've never actually been with a woman expect members of your sex to be absolutely hairless or sport little Hitler mustaches. And yes, rest assured there are men out there who adore hairy women--there are Web sites for your kind, HB, lots and lots of Web sites--and if you don't want to bother shaving from head to toe once a week I'd advise you to find one of those guys.

As for the hair-removal and/or self-image tips from other furry women, if any send 'em I'll happily print 'em.

My guy and I enjoy light bondage occasionally, but now we want to do more. The plan is to tie him to my bed for a full weekend. I would meet all his needs, including nutrition, elimination, and bathing. As a nurse, I am trained to give this kind of care. I'm also going to give him more orgasms than he ever thought possible. We have a urinal, a bedpan, and a washbasin. He's in for a few surprises, though, because I also have enema equipment and a catheter kit. All the care and procedures will have an erotic aspect that would shock Ms. Nightingale.

I need some advice on the best way to fasten him to the bed. He has to be totally helpless, of course, but I also need full access to his body. Spread-eagle would make him helpless, but I wouldn't be able to roll him over. If I tie his wrists behind his back and tie his ankles together I could roll him around, but not onto his back. All the other ways we can think of have similar problems. Can you suggest a safe and comfortable way to tie him to my bed? --Nurse Ratchet

If you want to do long-term bondage with someone (and anything over a couple of hours counts as long-term), there isn't one method or position that's safe and comfortable. In order to prevent, oh, the loss of a limb due to impaired circulation or a weekend-killing cramp, you'll want to vary bondage positions and methods.

So rather than suggest one position, I'll suggest two: For those times you want to restrict his movement (and milk another orgasm out of him), go for a tight spread-eagle. Instead of using rope, invest in a set of locking wrist and ankle restraints that you can secure to the corners of the bed with padlocks and chains. Use long lengths of chain and you can lock him up in a loose spread-eagle or a tight one depending on your mood. At those moments you want to roll him over and wipe his bum--or, better yet, march him to the can and let him wipe his own bum--lock his ankle restraints together and his wrist restraints in front of him.

Have a nice weekend, and if you've got a digital camera feel free to E-mail me some pics.

Send questions to Savage Love, Chicago Reader, 11 E. Illinois, Chicago 60611 or to

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