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Savage Love



I just finished reading your response to Lonely and Suicidal, the blue-collar man having a hard time meeting women in the Bay area. (LAS is the guy who threatened to kill you, Dan, if you made fun of him, remember?) In your response you stated that perhaps LAS's inability to meet women in the Bay area had less to do with his appearance or personality and more to do with his income. To up his chances of scoring, you suggested he move to some midwestern U.S. state or Canada, where women "still regard a blue-collar a catch and not a consolation prize."

Were you attempting to be politically incorrect by suggesting that women in those areas are not quite as money driven as women are in the Bay area? If that's the case, you only succeeded in offending the women in these regions. Specifically, you offended Canadian women.

Although you attempt to paint a positive portrait of Canadian women as less materialistic, all you have actually done is perpetuate the notion that Canadians in general, and Canadian women in particular, are less professional, earn lower incomes, and are less educated than women in the Bay area. You imply that Canadian women don't have goals and are content to live working-class lives. I really think it is unfair of you to make such a sweeping generalization! Some Canadian women want more and won't settle for less than financial luxury. For the record (and for your American readers): Canadian women are not all beer swiggin', lumberjack lovin', igloo livin' individuals out to "catch" a blue-collar man. Some of us want more! --My Sights Are Set Higher

God forbid that I should be so "politically incorrect" as to suggest that some Canadian women might be content with a decent guy who earns a decent living. As you so rightly point out in your eloquent and stereotype-smashing letter, MSASH, that's nothing but a pernicious and harmful stereotype. Someone had to tell the world that Canadian women can be moneygrubbing whores too, just like American women. Thank you for taking the time to write.

I'm 42 years old and I've been involuntarily celibate for ten years. So tell Lonely and Suicidal that he is not alone. There's no shortage of women where I live, but I'm either completely invisible to them or they see me as a "friend." There is no rhyme or reason to it. If you try to rationalize it, you'll go crazy. The fact is that women are attracted to assholes, and by the time they "grow up" they're usually in pretty sad shape, figuratively and literally. Don't whine. Don't threaten. It's life. Get on with it. --Worse Off Than You

Thanks for sharing, WOTY.

I just wanted to let Lonely and Suicidal know that he is right about some things. Yes, women in the Bay area are shallow and full of themselves. I have an old car (a 1980 Chrysler LeBaron) and have been dumped twice because of these wheels. But there is always room for self-improvement. I recently picked up surfing to get the sexual energy out of my system. Surfing's done wonders for me. I've dropped 25 pounds. Maybe mountain biking or running might be better for LAS, but tell him to pick up some active hobby. And after surfing for six months, I've finally started to see some sexual action.


Thanks for sharing, HC.

Lonely and Suicidal really needs to hear from a hetero woman what he is doing wrong: LAS sounds crazy, desperate, and driven by rage. That is not any woman's idea of sexy. That he calls all women "inherently self-destructive, lying, shallow whores" suggests that LAS is a guy with some issues about women. Frankly, LAS sounds like he'd rather chop me up into bite-size pieces and store me in his freezer than fuck me. Not even the drunkest, nastiest slob of a woman would dare even be alone with that guy.

I would strongly recommend Lonely and Suicidal get himself laid somehow, even if he has to pay for it. Like halitosis, the stench of desperation is obvious to everyone around him, even if he can't smell it. After LAS finds a hooker, he should forgive his mother and drop his pathetic "I haven't been laid in four years" shtick. Geography will not help him. He needs to buck up and fix his personality.

--Green Bay Babe

PS: I happen to live in Wisconsin and I don't appreciate you trying to pawn some nut off on our state.

Did you get the impression that LAS has issues with women? I didn't get that impression. Of course, had I gotten that impression, I probably wouldn't have mentioned it, for fear of my life. I probably would run LAS's letter without comment, hoping a reader would write in and point out that LAS has issues with women. If LAS had issues, I mean. Which of course he doesn't.

But GBB, you're wrong about one thing: There are women out there who apparently find crazy, desperate, and rage-driven men attractive. Read on.

Call me crazy, call me codependent, but--I'd like to talk to Lonely and Suicidal. Not all women are self-destructive, lying, shallow whores, and not all women reject people for the fun of it. I know you're not a matchmaking service, but please tell Mr. Lonely and Suicidal that there's a cute, intelligent, 23-year-old female who wants his E-mail address.--Crazy Little Bay Area Girl

Thanks for sharing, CLBAG.

I am writing in reaction to the letter from Lonely and Suicidal, who openly threatened you. I don't really know what moved you to publish this man's letter, but he sounded dangerous. Losing you to someone like that would be a real heartbreaker, since your column is the first thing I turn to in our local lefty rag. --Sebastian

Fret not, Sebastian. There is no such person as "Dan Savage," so LAS can't possibly harm Dan Savage. Like Betty Crocker or Diane Sawyer, Dan Savage is a fictional corporate mascot. The management of Savage Love, Inc., would like to thank you for taking the time to write. Your letter has been forwarded to the appropriate department.

If LAS wants to meet a woman who can appreciate his better qualities, why is he going to bars? Most women in bars only want to have flings with exciting "bad boy" creeps. LAS should try to meet nice girls in nice places. Try the library, or an adult education class, or walking a dog on a popular jogging trail. He mentions that his buddies have girlfriends. Do they have friends? Maybe he should ask for a fix-up? Sorry to go Ann Landers on you, Dan. --Gena

Thanks for writing, Gena, but I have to disagree with you about meeting people in bars. After reading a year's worth of wholesome how-we-met stories in my old college roommate Ann Landers's fine advice column, I recently asked Savage Love readers to write in and share their stories of meeting their true loves in less than wholesome circumstances. The mail has been pouring in, and the next four Savage Loves will be dedicated to these sleazy-meeting stories. And guess what, Gena? Many of my readers met their true loves shit-faced drunk in bars! Tune in next week for all the gory details.

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