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My friend, call him John, writes a sex column for our college newspaper. Much of his inspiration comes from his ex-boyfriend. My friend only uses the ex's first name, and reveals no details that are too embarrassing (except for once). Anyway, the ex is threatening to sue. Should my friend stop writing his column? Or should he go ahead and publish two columns that are already written about the boy? Please let us know ASAP. --Jenn

An attorney who specializes in defamation agreed to speak with me about your friend's predicament on one condition: that I not identify her. It seems that giving out unsolicited legal advice (through a sex column no less) is frowned upon at some starchier law firms.

"There's no way to give him sound advice about the risks without looking at the details of what he wrote in these columns," said Ally McChicken. "So my bottom-line advice is this: If he is receiving serious threats of lawsuits, he should consult his own attorney."

Having said that, Ms. McChicken was willing to give your friend some general advice: Your friend's ex-boyfriend could bring legal action if he was able to show "that the columns contain enough information that people reading the columns could identify him." If his actual first name is being used and there are enough other details that readers could "connect the dots," then even if the writer hasn't used his full name he could still have a case for defamation or invasion of privacy.

So if your friend has any sense, he won't run those last two columns. He might wanna send his ex some nice flowers, too, just to cover his ass.

I've been separated from my wife for more than a year. Shortly after we split up, I started what I thought would be a rebound relationship. Eleven months later, I think I've found the love of my life. The problem is my new girlfriend refuses to tell her mates that I'm her boyfriend because she says she's worried what they'll think about her going out with someone who's technically still married. I love her very much but I feel like a real chump for being with someone who is basically saying that she's too ashamed to admit that I'm her man. Am I a chump, or am I drawing the wrong conclusions about her reluctance to acknowledge our love?

--A Chump in Melbourne

I don't see this as an either/or situation. Isn't it possible that you're both a chump and drawing the wrong conclusions?

That said, there's only one way to find out if she's telling you the truth: Get a goddamn divorce. I mean, if you're in a hurry for her friends to know you two are an item, then hurry up and get technically single. If she still refuses to tell her friends about you, then she was definitely playing you for a chump. If she tells her friends right away, perhaps she actually was concerned about what they think.

I'm a married man who likes to have no-strings-attached sex just for the fun of it. I love to eat pussy, I'm clean, disease-free, and 50 years old. Don't women like that anymore?

--Wants Wild Women

Uh, did women ever like that?

If I may offer some solace to the Boy Next Door Wears Diapers: The girl next door does as well. As a native New Yorker, I have been deeply affected by recent tragedies and in turn have become more humane. Someone with unusual taste in fetishes deserves a dose of humanity as well. FYI, there are huge on-line communities that exist to offer camaraderie to the average diaper fetishist. Frankly, because our fetish is so obscure, it's reassuring to know there are others out there like me who are well-adjusted, educated professionals.

--Diaper Gal

Thanks for sharing, Diaper Gal, but I thought I was relatively nice to TBNDWD. I mean, I didn't tell him he was a freak or anything; I just told him I didn't see a pressing need for clubs for diaper lovers. But as you point out, some diaper lovers are insecure and in need of reassurance. So: Diaper lovers! You're not alone! There are others like you out there! Not everyone who wears diapers is under 2 or over 90! Hell, they broke out a box of Depends on Air Force One on September 11.

Everyone needs a little cheering up these days, even a diaper fetishist. There are plenty of organizations for adult babies both in the United States and Canada. Organizations like Diaper Pail Friends at www.dpf.com is a great resource for people living in either country. DPF is open to those who are straight, as well as gay or bi. It lists regional social events and provides a way in which adult babies can meet others who share their fetish. It sells stories and movies for adult babies, along with those hard-to-find adult-size diapers and plastic pants.

--Another Boy Next Door

Thanks for sharing, ABND.

Your column [September 28] had a question about vomit lovers. You sounded like you had never heard of this fetish! "Roman shower" is the trade name for vomiting during sex. I learned about it my first week as a phone sex operator. By the way, that writer had better start saving his pennies. The going rate for a Roman shower is $1,500-$2,000.

--Pogo

Thanks for sharing, Pogo.

I'm a 32-year-old single heterosexual female. Ever since the terrorist attacks, sleeping alone has been lonelier than usual. I've been fantasizing about initiating casual sex relationships with my single straight male friends. Pre-terrorist-attacks, I thought that sex with friends wasn't a good idea. But now I realize how quickly life can change. Post-terrorist-attacks, I wonder if sex with friends is such a bad idea after all. I'd love to hear what you think.

--Spoonless in San Francisco

I think your single straight male friends would kill me if I tried to change your mind, SISF. So you go right ahead and fuck their brains out, you hear?

And take comfort in the knowledge that you aren't alone in your post-terrorist-attacks appreciation of casual sex. Apparently it wasn't just hookers and johns who were getting it on after the attacks (as discussed in last week's Savage Love). A lot of amateurs were banging away too--at least according to the Los Angeles Times.

"Disasters and tragedies are situations of novelty, danger, and fear, all of which can stimulate the sex drive," writes Kathleen Kelleher, who documented numerous instances of both casual and committed "end-of-the-world sex" in New York City and across the country. Kelleher predicts that there will be a baby boom nine months from now thanks to all of this "terror sex." I predict that a distressing number of these terror-attack babies are gonna get stuck with the name Rudolph.

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