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Savage Love


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I'm a 24-year-old male with a 28-year-old girlfriend. We've been together for a year, and I love her with all my heart. We get along, she makes me laugh, and she even plays video games with me. But our sex life is less than great. I know there are guys out there who will hate me for saying this, but the problem is my cock. It's too big. I'm 6' 3", and she's a foot shorter. I love oral sex, but she can't perform it on me--it hurts her mouth and jaw. I've tried to work with her to find a solution, but she gets too embarrassed and has basically given up trying. Also, if we have vaginal intercourse for more than 15 minutes she's almost too sore to walk the next day. She is extremely shy in all sexual matters. Is there any way we can reach something good for both of us? --Absolutely Wants Oral Loving

PS: Thanks a million, and keep up the good work. Also, I'm from Pennsylvania and I'm not voting for douche bag. You know who I mean.

I don't normally answer questions from guys complaining about their big dicks. It's not that a big dick can't be problematic. It's just that any time I run a letter from a guy complaining about his big dick, AWOL, guys with tiny dicks start CCing me on their suicide notes. It's depressing.

But I'm making an exception for you, AWOL, because running your letter gives me one last chance to implore the people of Pennsylvania to get out there and vote Rick Santorum out of office on Tuesday, November 7. The eyes of the nation are upon you, Pennsylvania! Wipe Santorum off the floor of the Senate!

OK, AWOL, your dick isn't the problem here; your girlfriend is. She sounds swell, what with the relating and laughing and video-game playing, but her shyness about sex coupled with her unwillingness to communicate with you about sex is the problem. Do you realize you're blaming the victim, AWOL? I want you to look in the mirror and say over and over until you believe it, "My dick didn't do anything wrong. It's not a crime to be big. There are plenty of guys with big dicks out there who fall in love with petite partners, and by working together these couples learn to accommodate each other's special features and physical limitations." Here are two ways to do that.

Oral sex: by choosing to stay with her, AWOL, you're choosing a future without deep throating, face fucking, or long, leisurely blow jobs. Take a moment to grieve. But you can still have oral sex. Your girlfriend has to be willing to wrap both of her slobbery fists around your shaft and then work just the head of your cock with her mouth. It may not be full-blown head, AWOL, but it feels damn close.

Vaginal intercourse: work within that 15-minute time limit, AWOL. Place your cock between the top of her thighs, running from the bottom of her twat and up the crack of her ass. Ask her to clamp her thighs together, then hump her for as long as you like. Be sure to give attention to her clit, AWOL, so there's something in this for her. Then go inside for the last ten minutes.

These accommodations are not only pleasurable, AWOL, but they will also take the buzz-killing pressure off your long-suffering girlfriend. Right now she's on a negative-feedback loop: every time she blows you or you fuck her, she winds up sore or suffering. Break the link in her mind between sex and discomfort, AWOL, and you'll get your sex life roaring. Good luck.

A few years ago I was involved with a guy who revealed himself to be a dangerous person. Let's call him "Ducks." He was a pathological liar. He threw screaming tantrums. He made himself seem so pathetic that most of his friends and I put up with his abuse only because we didn't think he would survive on his own. Eventually we cut off all contact with him.

A year later I received a phone call from Ducks's college roommate. He was concerned about Ducks's treatment of his new girlfriend. At first I was reluctant to get involved, but after the roommate described Ducks's behavior (lying, screaming, tantrums), I told him that yes, that was typical. He asked if it had escalated into something worse. I told him it had. The roommate then put the girlfriend on the phone. She begged me to tell her how much worse. I told her of a specific instance of extreme psychological abuse. She ended her relationship with Ducks, and his roommate kicked him out. He was kicked out of college two weeks later for academic reasons. Now Ducks's family blames me for their son's difficulties, and I feel guilty about saying anything at all.

Should I have let Ducks's girlfriend find out for herself if Ducks was still the same person? Or should someone who has been abused warn the next possible victim? --Butting Out Ain't Too Simple

Don't feel guilty, BOATS. You answered a direct question about your experiences with Ducks. Period. You were under no obligation to cover for him, and it's past time that Ducks and his family learned that he isn't going to be able to run around abusing and manipulating people without suffering the consequences.

Wisconsin needs your help! On Tuesday, November 7, we're voting on an amendment banning gay marriage. As a married hetero male I'm supposed to feel threatened by gays getting married, but I'm smart enough to realize it doesn't affect me at all. I also realize that I got to marry whomever I wanted, and everyone should have that right. Urge your readers in Wisconsin to vote no on the marriage amendment! --J in Wisconsin

You put it better than I could, JIW. Vote no. And to my readers in Colorado, Idaho, South Carolina, Tennessee, Virginia, Arizona, and South Dakota: please vote against the gay-marriage bans in your states too. And in South Dakota, please vote to overturn your state's idiotic abortion ban. And to my readers in Canada: be glad you don't have to put up with any of this shit.

I had never had an orgasm in my life --despite my own and other people's best efforts--until the age of 18. First hit of crappy weed with a cooperative boyfriend and--bam!--six orgasms in five minutes. --Forever Grateful

Thanks for sharing, FG. For more about pot and sex, go to

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