Serj Tankian vs. Mike Patton: Fight! | Music Feature | Chicago Reader

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Serj Tankian vs. Mike Patton: Fight!

Who would win a Mortal Kombat bout between these two inimitable front men?

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Faith No More and System of a Down boast two of the fiercest baritones to spring from early-90s rock, and both bands are back on the festival circuit—which means their front men will face off at Riot Fest. It's not a literal showdown—they perform on different days—but that means you can see both Serj Tankian and Mike Patton bellow, howl, and roar to the heavens. What if they were actually put to the test, though? Which singer would win a Mortal Kombat-style duel? Compare their fighter profiles and decide who'd finish whom.

Serj Tankian

Origin: Surged from the final ancient eruption of Armenia's Mount Aragats

Weapon of Choice: Tapeworm cat-o'-nine-tails

Battle Cry: "DIIIIIIIIIIIIE!"

Weakness: The American prison-industrial complex

Signature Move: Palate vortex: whips up a small tornado by rolling his Rs

Signature Fatality: Literally becomes the sun, incinerating his foe in a blaze of eternal glory

Set Time: System of a Down plays Sat 9/12 at 8:45 PM on the Riot Stage.

Mike Patton

Origin: Born screaming from toxic California smog

Weapon of Choice: The gimp

Battle Cry: [whispered almost inaudibly in one ear] "Kiss me goodnight."

Elemental Weakness: Wolfmother

Signature Move: Staccato syllable blast: perforates opponent with a machine-gun barrage of sound waves and spittle

Signature Fatality: He swallows, he swallows, he swallows, he swallows

Set Time: Faith No More plays Fri 9/11 at 7:45 PM on the Rock Stage.

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