Get real, Shane DuBow. If an attractive woman treated you in a manner analogous to your behavior toward gay men ("Me and the Boys," 6/16), but then told you that she was gay, would you think she was "exploring the boundaries"? Or would you just think of her as a cocktease? Or--given your newfound, liberated consciousness--would you simply see her as someone unclear about her sexual desires, and therefore worthy of a little hands-on assistance in the interests of self-knowledge?
DuBow is free to feel what he feels and want what he wants. But he seems to protest too much that those wants and needs are really not that different from those of most heterosexuals (they are, Shane, even among those of us who welcome friendships with homosexuals of our own gender), and his behavior just a matter of wanting to have fun and to fit in. Only gradually and grudgingly--or as he might say, "coyly"--does he admit what the reader suspected all along, that, yes, he does have some mixed feelings toward those seemingly ever-present invitations to cross the line.
Wherever this sexual confusion--or whatever it is--is really heading, it's nice to know that his girlfriend gets off on it. But at the same time, DuBow seems to be imposing his own obvious relish in this ambivalence on nonconsenting gay men. With a little less narcissism and a little more empathy, he would already have figured that out.
Helen D. Lipson