Why diet? Why exercise? Instead, you can have Mount Prospect dentist Gregory Tehle insert a small orthodontic device in your mouth, so that you can't shovel as much food in at one time. According to his explanation, "The appliance is ligated [tied in place] . . . so that it can act as your will power."
A word to the wise (religion department), from the Gallup Organization, as reported in Fund Raising Management (May 1987): "It is better for a Christian fund raiser to drive a 1985 Pontiac than a 1987 Cadillac."
Censorship for gays. Sun-Times City Hall reporter Harry Golden Jr. made several derogatory comments about gay fashion designers while being profiled by S.L. Wisenberg for the fledgling Chicago Times. Sure enough, the dumb quotes showed up in the finished article. And sure enough, Windy City Times press watchdog Dan Layman (September 17, 1987) blames the magazine as well as Golden! "Chicago Times should know better than to repeat them in print. Such defamatory talk usually gets left on the editors' cutting board." Sure, Dan. If you were lobbying City Hall for a gay rights ordinance, would you rather have your feelings spared, or learn something about the prehistoric attitudes of a prominent member of the City Hall press corps?
The Tribune seems to think only Judge Bork's opponents are partisans, complains Bill Nigut Sr. in the Chicago Media Critic (September 1987): Why don't they read their own morgue? On October 28, 1980, both Bork and Antonin Scalia signed a full-page Reagan-Bush ad in the Trib claiming that RR would "take partisan politics out of judicial selection." Ho ho, says Nigut. "Professors Scalia and Bork publicly endorse candidate Reagan for president. Then, in his first term, President Reagan puts Scalia and Bork on the Federal court bench. And, in his second term, he names them to the Supreme Court. That's just plain, old-fashion PARTISAN politics. Are the Senate Democrats playing PARTISAN politics? Of course they are. Is Ronald Reagan playing PARTISAN politics? Most certainly. . . . Are Reagan and the [pro-Bork] Tribune editorial board credible? Trustworthy? What do you think?"
Let's see them try that at an American Legion picnic or a family reunion in Jackson Park. One of the irritating sideshows at the national Green movement gathering in Massachusetts earlier this year, according to New Options (June 30, 1987), was "the militancy of the animal rights people. Not only did they insist, again and again during the open-mike sessions, that we have no right to eat meat; they put a damper on the Saturday night barbeque by going up and down the food line making people feel guilty about eating the barbequed chicken."
What does it take to get the police out to a CHA project? According to Francine Washington, a resident of Stateway Gardens and chair of the CHA Resident Security Committee: "Sometimes, no offense, you have to say a white lady is getting raped. Sometimes that is what it takes to get the police out here." (Neighborhoods, August/September 1987)
"Many racial and sexual-disposition jokes have been making the rounds lately,"
the Playboy Affirmative Action Review Board tells Playboy employees, without apparent irony, in a March memo excerpted in Harper's (September 1987). "The latest trend seems to be AIDS jokes that make fun of homosexuals. Recent court decisions have affirmed the notion that such jokes may be legally considered harassment or discrimination by individuals who may be offended by them. . . . Therefore, we highly recommend that all employees refrain from telling such jokes in the workplace, for both your protection and Playboy's."
Lowlights of the legislature, according to State Representative Barbara Flynn Currie's newsletter (Summer 1987): "Important unmet needs in education, mental health, social services and public welfare, readily identifiable at session's start, remained unmet at session's close. Inefficiencies and excesses in the operation of state government--from miasmal bureaucracies in some state agencies to the high-flying director of the state prison system, for whom taxpayers bought a brand-new Cessna six-seater--survived the session barely scathed."
No, no, it's in the curriculum. A recent press release informs us, "Governors State University is the only university in the country with a full program in alcohol and drug abuse."
Hi! I'm from the government and I'm here to help you! Mind if I leave this in your backyard for 100,000 years? Significant quantities of "low-level" radioactive waste "will remain deadly for more than 100,000 years," reports the Radioactive Waste Campaign, "and should be reclassified as high-level waste. . . . These materials are too hazardous for disposal in the landfills most states plan to rely upon." About 99 percent of the radioactivity in "low-level" waste is produced by nuclear power plants, not by hospitals, universities, or research institutions.
Art accompanying story in printed newspaper (not available in this archive): illustration/Carl Kock.