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Please--not right after lunch! Chicago writer Bruce Rutledge, reviewing an anthology of alleged legal humor in Barrister (Spring): "The volume as a whole is not unlike a smorgasbord prepared by demented Swedes: pickled herring next to a plate of Oreo cookies, a large bowl of Clark bars by the borscht."

You should not be in charge, Barbara Engel tells counselors of adult rape victims: "If I had been treated like a 'client' with a personality deficit because I was attacked three times, I might not have the self-confidence to be speaking to you...The danger in treating women like 'clients' is that we divide ourselves from them; we become the powerful healers, they become the helpless victims with their recovery resting in our skilled hands. Since rape is about being dominated, having one's power taken away and feeling out of control, any healing work must have at its base the space for the survivor to repossess herself and her decisions. She must be in the driver's seat. She must be the one patiently picking up the pieces of her shattered life and figuring out how to function in a world that will never again be as safe" (Illinois Coalition Against Sexual Assault's Coalition Commentary, Spring).

"Green marketing is really an inherent contradiction"--so says Resa Dimino of the Environmental Action Foundation, quoted by Karen Klein in Student Lawyer (May). "The ultimate environmental act√Čis consuming less, not more," Dimino adds. "The production and consumption of goods necessarily has adverse environmental impacts, [a multistate attorneys-general] task force concluded. Product use and disposal can be made to lessen harm on environment, but cannot be 'good' for the environment."

X = Survival. Algebra = X. "Math is the great sorter, the thing that screens the kids out," Zalman Usiskin, director of the University of Chicago School Mathematics Project, tells Alex Poinsett in Catalyst (May). "At a minimum, if you don't get through algebra, you're dead. You can't really take science classes unless you've had it. You can't get into trades. You can't enter most colleges and universities."

Somebody's not paying attention. The state Department of Professional Regulation recently disciplined a Chicago shorthand reporter "after she practiced 22 years on a nonrenewed license."

Hey, you common cold, would you come here a minute? From the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago pamphlet "What do you say after you see they're Disabled?": "'Paraplegic' and 'quadriplegic' are often used as words for people with these disabilities; a tough habit to break, but would you call a person with a fever and chills 'a flu'?"

Oh, boy, a new branch of law! "Too many salespeople try to tell the prospect the solution before they even understand the problem," write Hunter Byington and Steve Taback in the NORBIC Network (April). "If salespeople were held accountable for their solutions, as doctors are for their prescriptions, then they would be forced to examine the problem thoroughly before proposing a cure at the risk of malpractice."

Suburbanites of the world, unite--you have nothing to lose but your Chemlawn bills! Northeastern Illinois University's Bill Howenstine to a group of volunteer prairie stewards (Natural Area Notes, Spring): "In my best dreams I see in the generations ahead a time when human stewardship will guarantee the survival of each species and each natural ecosystem--a time when sanitary lawns will be as unpopular as sanitary landfills."

The case of the missing clout. From the IASB School Board Newsbulletin (April 18): "Between 1987 and 1991, Chicago's share of general state [school] aid distributions declined from 32 percent to 26 percent, while the downstate share grew from 42 percent to 50 percent."

"While the Catholic Church's position on abortion is clear, the behavior of its clergy is by no means uniform. Stridency appears to be a local option," writes Charles Madigan in the Critic (Spring). "If one lives in New York, there is Cardinal John J. O'Connor, not a meek character at all, along with committed deputies who occasionally threaten eternal damnation. It is a different matter to live in Chicago, where Cardinal Joseph Bernardin often seems the very personification of reason, the kind of priest one would love to visit for reconciliation....He is also an astute politician [and is often quoted as saying that] a pro-life position must be consistent, from conception to the grave. One should not oppose abortion while applauding capital punishment."

Don't you mean "converted to condos, vacation homes, and theme parks"? From the optimistic vegetarians at EarthSave: "Number of acres of U.S. land which could be returned to forest if Americans adopted a meat-free diet and ceased exporting livestock feed: 204,000,000."

Art accompanying story in printed newspaper (not available in this archive): illustration/Carl Kock.

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