Return with us now to those snarky days of yesteryear, and discover that the masked hero of radio and TV fame was actually a tall, handsome doofus (Armie Hammer) rescued time and again by his Comanche pal, Tonto (Johnny Depp). This summer behemoth from Disney is modeled on the studio's interminable Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, though the idea of making the white hero an idiot and his nonwhite sidekick the brains of the operation owes more to Michel Gondry's tedious The Green Hornet (2011). Caked in white warpaint and wearing a dead crow on his head, a stone-faced Depp fails to generate even the stinky charm of his mascaraed Jack Sparrow, and in fact almost everyone here comes off badly. But that Rossini guy deserves an Oscar. Gore Verbinski directed; with William Fichtner, Tom Wilkinson, Barry Pepper, and Helena Bonham Carter.
By J.R. Jones