War Cards | Year In Review | Chicago Reader

News & Politics » Year In Review

War Cards

by

comment

To help children understand the post-September 11 world, Topps released a series of "Enduring Freedom" cards depicting Dick Cheney, Condoleezza Rice, and other "civilian and military leaders entrusted to guide us through this fight." Not surprisingly, there were no lefties in the set. Imagine a baseball-card series that included Curt Schilling but not Randy Johnson! Thankfully, we can correct this error.

Cristopher Hitchens

British Bomber

For years, the English switch-hitter wielded a mighty stick in the Nation. Who can forget how he broke up Mother Teresa's perfect game with his book The Missionary Position? But post-9/11, Hitch has been leaving his teammates stranded on base, or, as he would put it, way off base. Lambasting many on the left for rationalizing the terrorist attacks, Hitchens saved his best stuff for Noam Chomsky: "I don't believe that any of those who have so anxiously sought his opinions in the past three weeks have felt either inspired or

educated by them, because these opinions are a recipe for nothingness."

Noam Chomsky

Blame Thrower

It's been several years since the "Noam knows politics" craze, but this linguistics professor is still a formidable bat in the lefty lineup. In his 30-plus years of activism, the Chomster has shined most in the World Series, highlighting American atrocities in every country save Luxembourg. Recently he's criticized the U.S. for its role in the "silent genocide" of the Afghan people and argued, "We don't care about evidence. We don't care about negotiation. We are the toughest thug on the block." Some teammates say it's time for Noam to hang it up, but, next to the Cubs, there's no one who can make us feel so bad about ourselves.

Michael Moore

Fireman's Friend

Moore may never repeat the success of Roger & Me, though he was still able to help Nader's Raiders thwart Al Gore last year. In the days following 9/11, he fired off heartfelt and angry E-mails to his fans, but he had a hard time finding the plate--he mourned the terrorist victims, preached nonviolence, and questioned Bush's legitimacy as president. All the while, Moore, in typical fashion, kept an eye on his own stats as champion of the working man: "I have never once complained about the wail of fire trucks as they barrel down my street."

Add a comment