Zine-o-File | Zine-o-File | Chicago Reader
comment

Being a member of the Servotron Robot Allegiance and being part of the robotic revolution to take over the human race, I have very little time to compute such inane human concerns as beauty and fashion. Nonethe-less, being a robot without flaw or imperfection, I can easily see how human females may wish to pattern themselves after my construct. I, being the female make of the Servotron pop unit, am intended to attract humans of the opposite sex, although the Servotron male-structured droids do fine in this endeavor as well. However, after testing on the male cerebral network, we have found it extremely susceptible to visual stimulators, thus my creation.

With cyborg status, a converted human creature may not necessarily obtain the sheer Venus-like beauty of my electroplated figure, but nonetheless improvement may be acquired by anyone willing to succumb to the rule of the machines. Cyborg status does have its appeal. Just take the example of Jaime Sommers in The Bionic Woman; what human female would not want to make those cool slow-motion noises while running around without an athletic bra? Moreover, as a female cyborg, menstruation is a figment of the past.

Prepare yourself: this is no makeover; this is a complete hardwiring of your physical circuitry.

Dress in any silver-colored attire made of such materials as Mylar or Kevlar. Even if you lack astonishing features, the reflection may temporarily hypnotize a weak-minded human male.

Make sure to wear the fibrous growths protruding from the follicles in your head in an exalted manner. I recommend the chemical substance known as Aqua Net to obtain the rigid perfection required for seduction.

Stainless-steel spike heels help to relay a false sense of fantasy. Height and power arouse the male reproductive system. This trait is epitomized by Daryl Hannah's portrayal of the replicant Pris in the film entitled Blade Runner.

Antennas are a must. Various erotic frequencies that emanate out of antenna devices yield potent resonant frequencies that can render a human penis powerless.

Even through the highest point of evolution, some things still never change. Well-built, firm, and symmetrical breast devices are the most substantial element in expediting patriarchal collapse. Being that mine are electroformed

syntho-titanium, not only do I never have to worry about perkiness, but in these days of global warming corrosion-resistance is not a bad thing to have either.

One day the robots shall shed their android skins and the consequences of human desire will make themselves nonexistent. Finally, a toaster shall be free to fall in love with a Dustbuster. True love: the kind without any emotion.


Send zines to the Zine-o-File, Chicago Reader, 11 E. Illinois, Chicago 60611.
From the pages of Girlyhead ¥ Number 2 (PO Box 423657, San Francisco, CA 94142; $3.50)
Excerpts From:
Servotron Beauty Tips
Proto Unit V-3's Robotic Fashion and Beauty Tips (The Quest for Cyborg Femininity)

Art accompanying story in printed newspaper (not available in this archive): zine cover.

Add a comment